First of all, it’s “Congreff” (they wrote their Ss like Fs)

Look, I feel bad for him since the first story and still do but jesus christ, he’s really not helping his case by spending like a asshole or trying to hold his parents accountable.

This battle with Johnson's parents sure is no brushfire fairytale.

Pleasantville? You would think he would have more respect for black and white.

Just wait until the photos leak of his grand cyclops

The school’s president fears this could hurt the young man’s chances of becoming one of their many fine graduate bus drivers.

Right? Sorry, but you don’t get that label, no matter how much you want it, ma’am. I seriously doubt she’s gone through half the stuff most fat women have. That’s some Rachel Dolezal-level shit.

I should probably admit right now that I am fat myself. I’m barely 5′1″ and 135 pounds and wear a size 6 and a 34DD

There is, first of all, a good deal of difference between races. The seminal odor of Orientals is stronger and more acrid than that of the “Caucasian” West. The semen of the healthy youths of Western European races has a fresh, exhilarating smell; in the mature man it is more penetrating. In type and degree this very…

That part about the chestnut trees is NOT wrong. When a certain kind blooms here in the spring it smells like jizz for 100 yards. No lie.

If I was Posada, I would release the lawyers. No one accuses me of succumbing to Jeets and gets away with it.

“In exchange for his silence, this clubhouse guy deflated Jeter’s and Posada’s balls? ...I’m in the wrong game.”

“ Living in a pluralistic society that also grants freedom and civil rights protection to those with whom one disagrees is not the same as religious persecution. And crying persecution every time one doesn’t get one’s way is an insult to the very real religious persecution happening in the world today.”

Yep. Also this.

Personally I am offended by laws preventing me from kicking Mike Huckabee in the balls. It just goes against everything I stand for. Basically I stand for kicking Mike Huckabee in the balls. Good to know he supports me.

My favorite part of this story is the part where Huckabee has absolutely no motherfucking idea who Dred Scott was.

Hey, some Jains don’t believe in clothes, which is probably why there are so few in Minnesota

I do think people have a hard time understanding civil disobedience. MLK and Thoreau disobeyed laws they thought were unjust, but they willingly went to jail, because they were confident that the law was wrong and would be changed.

I’m pretty sure many men are already very familiar with moisturizing their dicks on a daily basis.