Baked ziti will always be 10 times as easy as this — use same ingredients as above and it's equally yummy. Lasagne's fun, if Legos and Minecarft are your thing. But it's a pain in the ass.

Does anyone know if they make these buttery pucks of delicious in each Popeye's or if they get shipped frozen and they just reheat? If it's the latter, let's try to figure out what truck that shipment is on.

Strangely, that last sentence is the exact same sentence that begins my speculative fiction novel about what would happen if Roseanne actually won the presidential election.

You know, that's actually a relief. Now I won't feel as bad about sawing their heads open and putting candles in them next month.

Dear New Favorite Asshole:

THE REASONS ARE UNIMPORTANT!