Toxin elimination, sheesh. It's called peeing.

You probably know this, but just in case, I'll clear it up. They choose the Bible as the book they do not question because they believe it to be the literal word of God. Not just what some ancient men wrote down, but the honest to goodness word of God that through His inspiration, they wrote down. And you're right…

Just like Michael Jackson.

"There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking."

"I haven't always had a thing for redheads, but sure developed one after seeing a stripper named Scarlet once." Better?

That's just a little mayo that was on her seat in the deli.

Someone in the know, please fill me in on this. My conservative, tinfoil hat, no sharia law, FB friend posted that of the 20 forms of birth control covered, Hobby Lobby only objected to 4, and will continue letting their plan cover the other 16. When I asked her what those were, she didn't know. She just got it…

After growing up with Whopper's after church every Sunday, I have a soft spot for them, yet haven't had one in probably at least 5 years. It kinda sounds good for lunch today. Do church groups and high-schoolers still sell little coupon books good for free Whoppers?

Giggly bits or jiggly bits? Then again, sometimes I giggle when I see them jiggle, so either works.

How does one check for serial litigousness?

My dad has discovered this problem. Renters let someone live with them that aren't on the lease, and then won't leave and won't pay when the authorized person moves out. The only way to get them out is through formal eviction which can take months. He also had an acquaintance that had been foreclosed, and offered…

Can I put a "I know I left my keys in here somewhere" caption on that picture and send it to my friends?

I think in many places if you were pulled over and only registered a .07 the cops might let it slide depending on circumstances

You're a male what? Are you a human, llama, cat, condor, or some other species from the animal kingdom? Maybe Ferengi? A female adult human is most properly referred to as a woman.

Sounds like a scene from one of my favorite movies, Grand Canyon.

Thanks. This Kindle Fire has left such a bad taste in my mouth, I'm leery of any android tablet as a result. I know from occasionally using my gf's iPad how smooth it's browser runs, but hate to spend that kind of money.

Thanks. This Kindle Fire has left such a bad taste in my mouth, I'm leery of any android tablet as a result. I know…

Are these significantly better than the first gen Kindle Fire? I have one of those and want to pull my hair out every time I want to browse the web, it's such a frustrating experience.

Are these significantly better than the first gen Kindle Fire? I have one of those and want to pull my hair out…

This is the same kind of parent that's going to be offended when the doctor, in assessing the safety of homes with children, asks if guns are kept in the house.

For my wedding I'm hoping for no more than 4 guests (none of which are family), rolled up pant legs, wet sand between my toes, and a beachside bartender who makes a good mojito. Fortunately, I think MsLimekiller will be on board with that when she decides she's ready.

My dad, grandfatherly age to a millennial, leaves business related voicemails that just go on and on and on and on. I've tried to impress on him to be brief and let the followup call take care of the details, but it hasn't helped. I'm sure in many situations, the thing cuts off before he's even done. He considers…