My taxes got handed over to build the overpriced monstrosity of a stadium that hosts their games which make them millionaires for hitting each other in the head.

“ I would have serious conversations with the parents, with the girl, with the director, and everyone else in sight beforehand”

First stop would be my lawyer. 

I wish my high school girlfriend would have removed her bra to save me awkward fumbling with a clasp in the back of a honda civic.

We didn’t even know his name was Palpatine in the first 3 movies.

We get it, you are still mad they cast a woman lead in your precious space western with wizards.

Wow, looks like it was double oxy day down at the trailer park, calm down and watch some NASCAR, Cletus.

Houston and Austin don’t complain about Californians because of perceived liberalism anyway, both are blue cities. We complain because they are jacking up property values and doing standard Cali yuppie gentrification crap.

That’s because the Titans are from Houston too.

I live in downtown and haven’t had a car for the past year.   Then again, I work downtown and don’t go outside of the loop often so Ubering everywhere is actually cheaper.

Every word out of her mouth reaffirms my initial belief that she has downs syndrome.

The adult word for bubbly drinks is “carbonated” drinks (or champagne).

The only winning move is not to play.  How about a nice game of chess?

“Nothing is stopping any of these candidates from releasing long format style interviews similar to Bernie and Yang on Joe Rogan’s podcast.”

Other than 99% of voters (especially in places that matter) complete lack of shits to give about Joe Rogan’s podcast. 

Yet you don't care of his use of the word male...

Is it a thing to have cheerleader with clown makeup around their eyes these days?

“Other distract-the-tourist ploys include an elderly person falling, a woman tossing a baby or cat at you”

As someone who hates both babies and cats, I wish this would happen so I could laugh at the baby or cat that would be on the ground. 

A few points.

“What if that 3 year old turns out to be gay?” Nothing different regardless of if she had eaten chicken nuggets a decade prior.

You can’t always get them a reservation at Per Se.

I mean I doubt that much but I’m sure a lot of the franchise owners are right wing scum, yes. I don’t boycott them but I wouldn’t judge someone who did.

But if you are a Trump supporting Republican I hope you get ass cancer.