If your BAC reads like an area code, you're gonna have a bad time.

.413 is like surgical anesthesia.

I have invited Fivethirtyeight.com data journalist Reuben Fischer-Baum to discuss this spreadsheet and what it may indicate about the sexual prowess of the guy who made it.

Sounds like they have intimacy problems. I wonder how many times she actually VLOOKUPs at him when they are doing it.

If you're having girl problems, I feel bad for you son

If this lackluster Excelmanship is any indication, this is a man who lacks passion.

I use a similar spreadsheet, except column A is formatted YYYY.

She's fucking someone else, bro.

If this guy wanted to get really anal, he'd probably be turned down for that too.

Maybe it's just my ignorance of my (lack of) worldly experience talking here, but why am I more shocked that Dubai has female police officers?

So you mean that the 2nd layer of satire was a bridge too far?

First, props for covering how stupid this issue is.

Someone can be proud of heritage and I don't think it means you're racist, but when heritage costs over 600,000 lives I am not sure anyone should be proud of that.

ok

Thug.

This is a tribute to what a devoted mom can accomplish and is incredibly bad ass.

THAT'S MY STASH!