This is basically how it works in Spain. The two hours are tacked onto the end of the day. You work until 8. Then drinks. Then dinner at 11. Then drinks until about 3 am. Then back to work at 9 (if you work in an office that keeps normal European bankers hours). I've never been so exhausted as after keeping this…

Do the Law & Orders have a pro team like they have a college (Hudson University)? If it were on Law & Order you know she was not only involved, but is the head of the gang and the MASTERMIND OF IT ALL.

Because I have superior Facebook stalking skills, I have deduced that she and Ortiz broke up on or around June 14. And she is functionally illiterate.

From the details about conversations in the car on the way to the murder, I am led to believe that the other guy has already talked. He likely gave up Ortiz as well as Hernandez. I'm still wondering how the cops got to him first or found him. Maybe he gave himself up? My guess is he's saying he was just along for the…

You clearly have not seen mine, then.

More lessons for our PSA: be careful with hands that have recently handled hot peppers — yours or those belonging to others.

That stuff is amazing. A dermatologist once recommended it for a case of body acne that came from running and then not changing out of sweaty clothes fast enough. Quick rinses with that stuff after workouts on the affected areas cleaned it right up.

Ha! The difference is between putting Gold Bond on skin and on mucus membrane. If it would burn going up your nose, it will burn on the vag. True story.

The only time I don't drink when I cook dinner is when I'm using a mandoline. Drinking and mandolining don't mix.

I did Atkins for a month. At about the 28-30 day mark I realized I would have killed someone on the street for an apple. I just wanted something crunchy and juicy. I realized a diet that makes one homicidal can't be good for mind, body, or soul.

When I was a wee one, I pulled a pot of hot cereal off the stove and managed to dump it all over my hand. When my mother could hear again through her burst eardrums caused by my screaming, she ran it under cold water and then wrapped my hand up in gauze and sent me off to school. After the second day of me whining in…

Ha! I fell in love with that word the second I saw it in a Cracked article. It is perfection.

This is always going to be my number one backpfeifengesicht:

If I recall correctly, it was a Hi-Lo that closed that was going to be replaced by a Whole Foods. The Hi-Lo sold a lot of Latin American foods. In my view, the controversy was more about gentrification than it was about food. Some of the more vociferous opponents were newly-arrived white yuppies who didn't want to…

I do remember having something like it in Spain once. I'll have to try it again.

It sounds made up. So I looked it up. It's British? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salad_cre…

Seriously. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the thought process that starts with: "I'm in a fight with my cousin over land" and ends with "I'll kidnap her six-year old child as leverage." It's so batshit insane.

That face. It looks so familiar.

To further explain, while it is a day on which we remember those who gave their lives while serving in the U.S. military, it is also a three-day weekend and marks the unofficial start of summer. So, traditionally, in addition to the memorializing and remembering, there are a lot of picnics and barbecuing and wearing…

Just to be helpful to any interns reading, the proper way to handle this exchange is, "Excuse me, the copier is out of paper. Can you point me to where the paper is please so I can refill it?" Or even, "Excuse me, the copier is out of paper. Do you mind showing me how to refill it?" There is no snapping of fingers at…