I used my pacifier (also known as my “mimi”) until I was four and a half.

I’m so low right now I’d suck on anything.

Oh! Now I just want to share the weird names my kids had for their pacifiers. Oldest kid called his a “nubbin” which is weird because it makes me think of a half chopped off thumb. Second kid called hers an “ooo-ooo-wee” which WTF kid, where did that come from?

I was so high at a club once, I sucked on...never mind.

I didn’t say she was nice. Barbara Bush is by many accounts a mean old lady. And has been for 30 years. That doesn’t mean there isn’t beauty in her particular audacity. Maybe you have to grow up around the right sorts of mean old ladies to enjoy it.

Every single story I have heard about a personal encounter with Barbara that wasn’t told by a sycophant has been negative. Her ‘grandmotherly’ persona is a facade. And George W. is very much his mother’s son.

Come now, Jezebel...read between the lines. He clearly “cherishes” bimbos and meant it as a compliment. Jesus...why can’t women take compliments anymore?! Smile, Megyn!

(This is basically my response to 80%ish of what comes out of Trump’s mouth.)

She got very angry because she couldn’t even finish the question

You know what? Neither you or I know the truth. Maybe they’re faking it but maybe they’re not and I’m not willing to call someone who might be truly grieving a liar. Miscarriages are fucking awful and I wish them well.

I'm not planning on watching it because it feels too intimate.

Idk I just really can’t get behind this.

Or, OR, they could have cast an actual trans person.

I don’t know what republicans want. They don’t want women to be able to have babies they don’t want woman to be able to avoid having babies.

If women are the ones who are overly emotional, why are you whining about something that they’re dealing with every month?

If there was blood coming out of her eyes it was because they were bleeding having to look at his anus face.

Oops. And “Aha”

It would be nice if the new season of AHS would not be so rapey as the previous seasons, but with a hotel full of serial killers I’m not holding out a lot of hope.

This shit is why everyone thinks us atheists are assholes.

I would argue that the drive-thru is basically the worst culinary invention of the 20th century.
+1 convenience
-1 taste
-1 health
-1 experience
-1 satisfaction
-1 environment
-1 cost

Not to say that I've never used a drive thru, but when you factor in all of the negative aspects of what fast food, it's easy to argue that…