I am gonna expose myself to the ridicule and scorn of the Internet on this one, but come the fuck on, Dad. Your kid jumped onto the field at a professional sporting event, subjecting himself to injury, arrest, or worse. I know you want to be his friend, but you aren’t. You are his dad. He wrote his phone number on his…

My favorite Alexis Arquette role was from Xena Warrier Princess. There was just something about Alexis’ Caligula.

Truth.

Whatever. I’m not gonna front like I haven’t been giving Apple my money for all these years and I’m just gonna stop now.

That’s why your first question on your first date should always be - ‘Care for a cheeseburger’? If the answer is no...well, it wasn’t meant to be.

or even after 6 months when you’re at a restaurant about to share a piece of meat and he orders it WELL DONE. I’m a rare girl and can go a little bit more cooked than that but if you’re eating at a good quality restaurant with great meat, you DO not eat it WELL DONE.

What kind of monster eats dry hamburgers? They might as well dump ketchup on it.

yeah but what if they’re blind

Don’t get me started on left-handed people.

This was my thinking too!

Counter-counterpoint: Twins are weird, but only to the extent that all people are kinda weird.

Nope it’s science. Weird. All... lookin’ the same and everything.

Right? I’m sure they trained for years, just to get a cute picture. When my husband and I end up running a race together and crossing the line together we hold hands, even for the PR races (PR for me, he’s got mich longer legs and can run faster)

What is a “real-world size” tho

I think I’d caution against making some of the assumptions you’re making there. The girls wear different levels of makeup - they do their own and they do as much as they personally want to. Likewise, you’d be surprised how into the leotards they are and how much many of them like the sparkles.

OMG please ask me! I’ll insist your kid stop looking so shitty cuz it’ll just take a second, tell everyone to say MONEYYYY!!!!! like a doofus, and frame the shot without all of that weird headspace people (like my dad *cough*) leave. I love taking strangers’ pictures, I just realized that.

I’m imagining it went down like: “I’ll let you ‘pet the buffalo’, eheh, heh.” *eyebrow waggle*

Think of extravagant parties this way... the wealthy are always going to have money, but they can either sit on it or spend it. Would we like them to spend it in ways *we* find constructive? Sure. That’s not how the world works.

When you have as much money as he has, spending 5 million dollars on a birthday party will never preclude one from doing anything else worthwhile with one’s money. If you think he should donate to worthy causes, help the poor, reinvest in the local economies his lands are located in, etc, he can still do all that and…