All these guesses are hypotheses. I suggest you test them out on your own after giving the paper a thorough read to see the controls to make sure that all your guesses weren’t taken into account.

How about “made whoopie to my penis”?

Gay America is sorry to hear that you were not satisfied with your recent order of Mediocre White Man, but the product clearly matches the item description and your refund request is DENIED

Scuttlebutt is that he was offered OMB but declined due to wanting to be Ambassador to China.

We could make this a backhandeed compliment and say that she is peerless...

I mean it’s a job for hundreds of people that could quite easily be upended if one of the stars gets the virus. 

Oh no!

That Wolf Parade album was the weakest they’ve put out.

Trump America Network (TAN)

Hard same on sapphire rings.

Many Clevelander grew up working out on the boats, a true tug jobber, and ending up with a hearty Cleveland Steamer

If the show reflected everything Gawker did and told the truth, Cook would be derided as producing a hit piece.

There was Frasier’s building nemesis for that season, and his mom who dated Martin for a little bit.

I hope her deep dark secret is so good that I’ll have to kill for her againwe’ll do whatever it takes, hypothetically, to keep it that way

We’re living on it, keep up!

This is way too meta, now. O’Neal, show yourself!

C’est la drole

I want to go to there

No one who speaks German could be an evil man

Muppet Family Christmas >> Muppet Christmas Carol