I thought we'd already reached peak AV Club but then they go and think too hard about Urkel

That was my reaction, too. I would've been surprised if any (affluent young) person had actually been convicted on the felony count for this, despite the egregiousness of the assault. I don't think a college kid in similar circumstances would've gotten more than 60 or 90 days, with a lot of that probably suspended or…

Nice. One of my college roommates was student music director at the college radio station and I got to see some pretty cool shows that way — Elliott Smith, The Sea and Cake, and (definitely the highlight) backstage at Modest Mouse in 2000 (that was a badass show).

Internet bro hug? Internet bro hug.

Of course they have more than one song! They have three. They also did "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong" and "Pocket Full of Kryptonite."

Ok, uh…

Sounds kind of like Fey's initially-rejected pitch for 30 Rock. It was along similar lines to what the show ended up being, except with the show being a cable talking-heads show and Baldwin being either an executive producer or newscaster or something (I can't remember off the top of my head).

I am super surprised no one got that 30 Rock reference. I know we've all been wondering what happened to Scottie Shofar!

Holy shit, I basically said your last paragraph — word for word — to my therapist the other night. Except I added, "fear of seeming like a failure to my daughter when she's grown enough to understand what a failure my life has been."

I know your pain, hard. I'm 36 and graduated in the top ten percent of my class from a decent law school and have been unemployed for almost a year. I tried applying to random state jobs and didn't get much traction. Wanted to weep when I was looking at jobs at warehouses and bars and shit. Just got a job offer as a…

Maybe try the method I used during school:

Been a Seattle Seahawks fan since about 1986.

I've been stubbornly anti-meds when dealing with my depression (like, to a fault) but am always happy to hear when someone finds something that works for them. Hugs from an internet stranger who is also struggling under the lead blanket.

Happy birthday! I'm 36 and got "sir'd" at a coffee shop last week and was trying to think of a joke about that, but everything that came to mind was groaningly daddish.

Grateful for my hilarious five-month-old daughter. I could watch her make velociraptor noises in her bouncy chair all day.

I give him a hard time about most of his decisions
Marriage

They've got that real doughnut taste!

They don't sound good to me, but that was definitely something where I was thinking that Amelie needed to understand her readership (such as it is) a little bit. This is a commenting community that has vociferously defended the quesarito, after all.

I had a very bad bout of food poisoning from a chalupa when I was in college and haven't touched their fried stuff since.

I was wondering that, too. I found him to be one of the most consistently funny commenters on here. Whenever I feel like I've made an especially pithy one-liner with no punctuation here I feel like I'm channeling his spirit animal/stealing his bit.