Damn, I wish this were still classic AVC. This article would have been an all-timer with quotes like those. 

Fuck off, Chevy, you were in Nothing But Trouble. 

If the next one is a shot-for-shot remake of Repossessed, they might just right this ship yet. 

“So, hear me out... what if we add talking bees to the finale episode?”

This is far from a AAA game, but your point stands. I liked the demo a lot, but it’s definitely not reinventing any wheels. 

I’m listening to the album right now out of sick curiosity (I’ve never heard so much as a track from him all the way through), and holy fuck, I’m bored out of my skull. It really is awful, and not even “fun” awful, just sleepy and painfully corny. It’s musical slurry. 

I just want to know what the subtitle will be/would have been for the third one. Believer, Deceiver... Dreamweaver? Da Bieber? Legacy Of Kain: Soul Reaver? 

Yeah, I’d say Beau is horror in the sense that there’s a relatable terror if you struggle with bad anxiety (and especially if, like me, you went in mostly blind but familiar with Aster’s actual horror movies) but even that fades away extremely quickly.

Fine, I’ll write it, yeesh. Gotta do everything around here...

It’s only possible to think about tennis, dodgeball, bocce, and cricket with Taylor Swift around. Science has been baffled by this phenomenon for decades. 

Hanks, but no Hanks. 

I’ve heard of protesting phrenology at a Steely Dan concert, but protesting circumcision at a Pink concert? Now I’ve heard everything!

They were going to describe it as “ejazzculation” before better heads prevailed. 

Never let it be said that there’s any take too bizarre for somebody to earnestly make in internet comment sections. 

... Does it, though? Without spoiling anything, the MK1 story embraces its inherent goofiness more so than any other entry (intentionally, that is) except maybe 11, and the gameplay allows for Scorpion to team up with Scorpion to fight Scorpion and Scorpion in a restaurant while people look on with vague alarm at…

Oh man, you can really feel the David Hyde Pierce and John Mahoney shaped gap in these clips, no? I’m still rooting for this to be good, but they’re making it tough. 

So, it’s not an album of Nickelodeon GUTS theme song covers? Boo.

Aaaand that’s probably why Topher Grace didn’t hang out with his co-stars. 

I’m glad that some of the better 3D era characters are finally getting another chance. They had some good concepts peppered among the Hsu Haos and Kobras.

Go outside.