Two of my favorite things: Weird horror and stop motion animation. I’m very excited for this. 

Impossible. Nobody named Sextus Pompey is capable of looking that sad, regardless of life circumstances. Gotta be someone else. 

Can we focus on identified flying objects first? Because birds are fucking weird as shit and I want answers, goddammit. 

Do you remember
The film Avatar, not Airbender?
Where we threw other scripts into a blender
And took nuance and depth awaaaaay
Hey hey hey

BAAAAH-DEE-YAH
THIS TIME IT’S IN WATER
BAAAAH-DEE-YAH
SEE IT WITH YOUR FATHER
BAAAAH-DEE-YAH
CATCH IT AT THE MATINEE

I look forward to The Way Of Fire, The Way Of Wind, and The Way Of Heart. With all of those sequels combined, we can finally see The Way Of Planet. 

Just make the video game adaptation of 1998's “Mafia!” that everyone’s clamoring for. 

Oh, I’m sure there are plenty of millennials that have never seen a UHF channel, it’s just that it’s almost reflex to protest after having caught misplaced flak for whatever Zoomers do over the years, haha. 

I sense a mild seething hatred for Jackass and its audience in this article. 

You’re calling out the wrong generation, it’d be Gen Z that’s entirely removed from that era. 

Weirdly, “Doctor Jones” will be playing on loop for the entire runtime. 

Andrew Heathcliff, on the other hand...

Oh come on now, there’s no such thing as an Avatar 2, they made that up to scare young critics into behaving. The footage you saw was just a weather balloon. 

I’ll never complain about seeing more Margot Robbie, but Lene Nystrøm from Aqua was clearly the right pick.

Calling it now: It’s secretly a movie about the Springfield Tire Fire. 

“it won’t have much of the “it’s-a me, Mario” stuff”

I hope that means he’s doing an Albano and telling Bowser that he’s going to hell before he dies. I’d pay for that ticket. 

He’ll actually be debuting a series of NFTs inspired by a particularly memorable hind leg of a terrier that he saw once in 1968. 

Shit, man, what a legend. RIP.

... Sure, why the hell not. They could have a lot of fun with the Legally Distinct Character Costumes™.

Tomorrow’s featured listicle: “Let’s think outside the Joker — here are 15 other villains to consider comparing the Gigantosaurus to for the Dominion sequel”

They could always do Victor Zsasz, he’s pre-grittified and ready to go. (although Gotham’s admittedly reimagined Zsasz was so fucking good that I now want the character to be more like him)