FIFA is proof that there is no length rich old men will go to get even richer.

It’s Nine Inch Nails you cute, fat, and ignorant marsupial.

Sepp Blatter: I heard ten Brazilian workers died for the 2014 World Cup.

Yeah, I was initially, ‘Oh, how “nice” for them - they found a police officer with their same, wacked-out morals to talk to their son about sexual repression and ways it can cause you some serous legal issues.’ But it turns out it’s like, ‘Who knows why the son did it, but let’s introduce him to a legit pedophile and…

This really is the world cup of spam and we’re issuing a red card.

I cringed as I heard it live earlier. There’s a reason the rest of the world rolls its eyes at us, and this is an example.

“I want to push your head down really hard while you give me head”

I wish I had chefs to make me meals with strong briny flavors all day. I’d love some prosciutto and capers right now.

My favourite food at that age was sand.

Lest we forget, she also wrought Jenny McCarthy.

Thanks, Oprah, for inflicting Dr. Phil on our national culture.

When we were shitty little kids, my mom sat us down and enthusiastically said, "Let's make a list of all your favorite things! What are your most favorite toys and your favorite things to do?" After we excitedly told her these things and she wrote them down, she put the list on the fridge and said, "Now, next time you…

YES! My dad wasn't really a spanker (although he would in extreme circumstances) but what he lacked there, he made up for with sheer punishment ingenuity. He did everything from take doors off hinges, to make us do gardening work and help with projects around the house instead of hanging with friends in the summer.

And when I say "shake the shit" I grab his shoulders and just give him a good stern look and a few shakes that say "mommy is trying her very best to keep it together...get. in. there. now." Usually works.

I have a smart, mouthy four-year-old boy, and I do hit him when he does things like push, kick, or hit his little brother, because an eye for an eye. I always ask him, "how do you like that?"

I cooked the entire meal AND FELL ASLEEP HOLDING MY PLATE! I woke up in bed with no plate! I just started crying.

My daughter's preschool class listed what each child was thankful for. Most kids said mommy/daddy or their house or even the family dog. My kid? She was thankful for jewels. Four years from now, she'll be the kid thankful for dead people.

This argument of, well that's how I was brought up is bullshit. I was brought up being hit with whatever was in the near vicinity. Along with being beat, I was sexually abused and guess what? I don't think that's the right way to be. Just because you were brought up in a shitty manner, does not mean that you…

Correction: "Vikings Had Their Minds Changed For Them"