This makes American Pie seem downright progressive

The elevator thing is the stuff of nightmares. I used to walk up five flights of stairs to my dorm because I was so scared of an awkward elevator encounter.

I have no idea. I lock my doors and have a German Shepherd. I’ve never had to call the cops. Armed invasion with the intent to harm is not on my list of concerns, it almost never happens.

Everyone in my middle class, midwestern town lives in constant fear of ‘home invasions’. It’s insane. And it doesn’t seem completely racial although that certainly is a factor. They’re scared of white heroin addicts, too.

I’m glad this round of IVF seems to be sticking because it’s not going to be an option for much longer if fertilized eggs are considered ‘people’. What will happen to all the ‘people’ who never get transferred into a womb? Actually don’t answer that, the possibilities are terrifying.

I was truly obsessed with Good Will Hunting in 9th grade and have been overlooking the fact that Matt Damon is kind of terrible ever since.

It’s a little more complicated when it comes to the NHL because so many of the players aren’t American. I don’t know if a white guy from Slovakia needs to be raising his fist during the national anthem of the United States.

As soon as they pass their tax cut

This will happen immediately. No one in New England actually likes football.

I lived in rural PA for a while and one year there were four murders in my town of 5000 people. One was heroin related and the other three were men killing their female partners. I’m not great at math but I’m pretty sure 4 out of 5000 is a higher murder rate than Chicago’s.

My husband and I always talked about adopting, even before we found out we both have fertility issues. When we seriously started researching our options it turned out that IVF was both cheaper (thanks state of Illinois for mandating fertility coverage!) and most likely faster than adoption. It’s still something we…

Seriously, if one more person tells me to eat macadamia nuts or drink POM juice I’m actually going to punch them.

Your ‘warm and friendly’ is a New Englander’s intrusive and annoying.

This is why we need a cultural shift on guns, not just gun control laws. Kind of like what happened with cigarettes over the past 50 years. When every middle class family in Indiana has a gun ‘for protection’ the guy with an arsenal just seems a little eccentric. Sometimes I feel like the only person in my…

They’re also going to have terrible healthcare after public sector unions are destroyed by the Supreme Court. They shot themselves in foot, literally and figuratively, because Obama’s justice department wouldn’t let them abuse black people.

My dad used to sing Wildflowers to me when I was a kid and now it makes me cry every time I hear it.

Public education seems like an obvious choice

I’m going through this with my husband right now. It’s making me really angry that he isn’t terrified.

One good thing about having an antisocial German Shepherd is that I can’t be an obnoxious white person on this particular issue even if I wanted to be. I will defend bar dogs all day, though. Bar dogs are the best.

Of course, those are working cats!