Ordinarily we liberals appreciate the tactical value of giving malcontents an outlet to blow off steam, which is what Splinter was, but 2020 is no ordinary election year. Disunity is not a luxury we can afford if we are to defeat Trump.

This is a positive development. We coastal liberals need to be more relatable to regular Americans in flyover country, and old-fashioned cigarettes are exactly what the doctor ordered. Vaping has always made us look like effete hipsters. If we want to start winning elections again we need to be more like Burt Reynolds.

Farewell, Splinter!

You know what leftist extremists and Vladimir Putin have in common? Both take malicious glee in amplifying divisions and sowing societal discord in America.

Fool Trump has played right into the hands of us liberals. We can accuse him of shamefully betraying our faithful Kurdish allies if he allows Turkey to destroy them, and if he decides to protect them we can accuse him of undermining NATO and pushing Turkey into Putin’s arms. We liberals win either way.

These disgraceful numbers can only mean that numerous Democratic voters are gullible and faithless enough to believe Trump’s lies about Joe and Hunter.

Hunter and Joe did nothing wrong and we liberals can’t allow Trump’s vile insinuations of corruption to go unrebutted.

We liberals need to make this case all about defending Hunter’s and Joe’s conduct. Their good names are being dragged through the mud and it’s so unfair.

It’s highly likely the Chinese are targeting Trump in retaliation for his trade policies. Our candidate Hillary Clinton was targeted by a foreign government in 2016, and we liberals shouldn’t wish that on anybody, even President Trump, who is after all a fellow American.

But what happens if we liberals miscalculate and give workers too much power? Will they give it back? No. We liberals will have to take it back, and that would be very awkward for us politically. We must tread carefully.

Record players were and still are the best way to enjoy music. American voters remember them from childhood. Happier times, simpler times. You young people don’t understand. You’ve never seen a homemade peanutbutter cookie under the warm glow of an old-fashioned incandescent light bulb, much less eaten one. It is…

This article says that because we liberals have achieved scattershot results thus far at blending in with regular Americans, we should just stop trying. That’s defeatism. Liberalism is about overcoming adversity, not preemptive surrender.

Trump is trying to conflate socialism with liberalism! It would be a catastrophe if he succeeds. We liberals have to get out in front of Trump and tell America that we don’t like socialism any more than Trump does.

But what if Bezos passes the savings on to Amazon customers? Do we liberals really want to argue against lower prices in an election year?

We liberals should think twice before snickering at expressions of patriotism. Calling them “nuts” is makes us look like unpatriotic snobs. It’s true that Giuliani is going a little crazy today, but he’s doing it patriot-style, so we shouldn’t snicker.

Trump wins this one. Exotic products like mango and cucumber e-cigarettes make us liberals seem like effete snobs, weird and unrelatable to ordinary Americans in flyover country. We can’t be seen defending such products. Burt Reynolds wouldn’t have touched them, so we shouldn’t either.

Let’s not be hasty. The dog didn’t bite anyone. Threats are forgivable. Like when Democrats in the House and Senate granted President Bush authority to threaten Iraq with military force. The threat of force was acceptable, but actually carrying out the threat was not. Any sensible liberal will tell you that.

Trump has committed a serious tactical blunder. We liberals can paint him as soft on national security if he appoints someone less hawkish than Bolton, and as a warmonger if he appoints someone more hawkish. We liberals win either way.

Repealing the 2001 AUMF is a great liberal idea in theory, but Republicans can easily spin it as hamstringing a President’s ability to fight terrorism. Now more than ever, we liberals can’t afford to appear weak on national security.

Vladimir Putin wins again. Liberalism will survive the death of ThinkProgress, but we must admit to ourselves that we have suffered another setback at Putin’s hands.