since he cant sell burgers at his restaurant and can’t sell his steaks at sharper image, he has to take his beef to twitter.

The cat looks more like Travolta than Travolta does. Wtf happened to him?

I honestly thought both of them were gay, so it’ll be easy for me to forget one of them is married to a woman, let alone which one it is.

I hardly use my love interest’s name in or out of bed.

The chicken was vegan is what I came up with.

If I have, then my sex partners were all called “Yes”.

Came really close. Like, first-consonant-and-vowel-slipped-out close. Luckily,that consonant-and-vowel was “Ja-”, and I was able to cover with a “Jay-sus”.

I think that is what they served for lunch in the school cafeteria.

Not in, but after. As in “NAME, could you grab me a cigarette”

Or any name (besides Jesus’s).

Oh it will be.

My favorite was when 30something Demi Moore sexually harassed 50something Michael Douglas. It was the plausibility of it all that I liked.

That is some SERIOUS side-eye.

That Jennifer Lawrence! So #fresh and #relatable!!

Meghan Markle didn’t go to a wedding? Hey, I didn’t go to a wedding either!

Craft thread!

In case anyone out there was confused about how the voting/enfranchisement system was rigged, here it is. Jill Stein filed for a recount. She paid the required fees. And now, suddenly, she is not “aggrieved” enough to demand a recount. Any registered voter should be entitled to demand a recount if they can pay the…

What Madonna didn’t mention was, it was Halloween and she was dressed like this.

I wonder if he’ll see the irony now that his tinfoil bros will turn their backs on him and call him a “crisis actor.” Will they harass his family like they harass Sandy Hook’s families? You are not the hero you wanted to be bruh :( *womp womp*