I have a friend I used to sext with, who I’m strictly platonic friends with now. But back in the day, he sent me this:

“What are the chances your sister can join us?”

This guy *wishes* that was his dick pic. For SURE it was grabbed from the internet, judging from the black borders.... 

Thank you for giving this some thought! Really appreciate it.

I hate to win pissing contest two weeks in a row, but if “I want to fuck you where you fart” isn’t a winner, then I don’t know what is. 

I went on Tinder for the first time just over a year ago. Hit it off almost immediately with my current gf, whom I’ve been with for a year now. While we were still just going on the odd date and texting, she asked me about sending sexts. I immediately asked if she wanted me to send her a dick pic, and she said sure.…

The thing is that no one is actually entitled to due process to protect their right to fame, though. Due process protects our legal right to freedom when we are formally charged with breaking the law (which C.K. has not been). Fame is the very definition of a popularity contest and you do not need to be proven guilty…

They are.

Back in my dating days, a girlfriend once sent me a text during an argument: “ERROR: Clitoris not found.” It not only made me laugh, but I resolved to be more...generous orally.

It’s absolutely hilarious to me that comedians, who demand that nothing should be held sacred for the sake of comedy, clearly view the environments in which they perform to be more or less... sacred spaces, pristine areas in which they should be allowed to perform art free of criticism, rebuke, censure, what have you…

Like you (probably), I have known plenty of amateur guitarists in my day. They always want to play you whatever cover they sort-of learned recently and have you guess what it is. I don't know, Scott, because you're terrible and no song in the world sounds like the trash you just tried. Just tell me what you learned. 

This list is missing blood oranges, rainier cherries, and strawberries.

Fruit ranking really is a multi-axis process, as shown in this chart.  A professor in my department in grad school had all his students fill out their own and taped it to the door of his lab.

“13. Man tries to play acoustic guitar for you”

Time of year is highly important. Cool, ripe watermelon on a hot summer day is the fucking tits.

Like many people on here, it was great to see this in print and really be able to identify with this character’s experience. One thing that has been difficult for me to put into words during the #metoo era is how to explain how you can still feel victimized even when you’ve never been technically assaulted. There are…

I just read it for the first time after seeing this post. Never in my life have I read something so true and honest and identical to the way I feel about fucking ANYTHING. I’m blown away.

When another commenter suggested/linked to Cat Person the other day, I immediately read it and — unlike anything I’ve ever come across in 40+ years — it suckerpunched me right in the gut. YES. Just YES. She so accurately described the nuances of such situations. I get chills just thinking about it. Literally having…