I'm just saying, I should be making this show. You guys know it.

"A Farewell to Arms, by Hemingway. Good stuff. That's what I write," he says, putting it back. "That's what I write."

I was a communications intern at my university's library when I was a student and we brought Nicholas Sparks in as our guest speaker for the annual fundraising dinner one year. He was the most self-important asshole I've ever met. Wasn't outright rude to me or my co-workers, but he had an aura of complete superiority…

"John Mayer is apparently trying to woo Jennifer Lawrence away from Chris Martin. "

The worst poop of my life occurred while I was on active duty, training at Camp Geiger, NC. We had been eating nothing but MREs for 2 weeks, which are notorious bowel blockers. At the time this poop happened, I hadn't released a kraken for a few days and was starting to get concerned.

We were doing some physical…

(and if I wasn't married I'd take my clothes off in front of either one in a heartbeat)

I certainly don't think it's admirable, but, given her decision making skills, it still seems preferable to her having seven kids.

D- for trolling. We've all heard the sister's friend with seven abortions.

Because Jesus?

Similar thing happened to my mom! Except with less pancakes, more truckers.

By the time I was 6, I had two little sisters. We went on our first family vacation that year, and (now that I know what kind of hell it is to share a hotel room with children) my parents weren't exactly relaxing. By the end of the trip, their plan was to load up the car while we were all still asleep (when you're…

Oh let's DO this! I'll try and narrow it down to one good one, but I have too many to count. This one is long, but worth it.

This is actually Mr. BallofStess' insane travel story, but its so good I have to share! When he was 16, his family went to Greece for a summer vacation. One afternoon, on the island of Crete, he, his mom, and his dad rented a car and drove to a local beach for the day. As it got to be dinner time, they packed up and…

I was traveling through Ireland with a high school group over Spring Break and one evening we all split up in order to do a home stay with some Irish students our age. I'm at the dinner table with the young man's family, who had kindly welcomed me into their home, and the father asked me if I was excited for Easter.…