My mistake -- a classic internet error. Here’s what I should have written:

OK solid questions. But the little blurb at the top says this is an advice column, so that rules out #1 and #3. An answer to #2 wouldn’t really “teach you how not to behave like a garbage person while dining out—and maybe in real life”, but it could make a good article. Your questions are more specific to dining out,…

If you can show me a question befitting of a super-waitress then maybe I’ll be convinced.

Are you fucking kidding me? This is a difficult/fraught social situation, exactly the sort of thing advice columns are for.

I don’t know, but here’s a comment about your comment, if that helps.

Small point: The NYT article does not state that CK received a “standing ovation”.  Maybe he did, but the article only says “ovation”.

I respectfully disagree with Mr. Hawke. In fact, I hold precisely the opposite view: The film Logan was written and directed by Ingmar Bergman.

Here’s how you can tell if I’m joking or being serious, in the future:  I’m always being serious.

Scorecard, notes column:

best one ever:

I’ll ask what we’re all wondering:

Yes, give me all the stars.  100% of stars.

How can you link to The Pudding when you don’t link to The Meat?

Wow so weird for the international law enforcement agency to do that.  Good for them, though.

Mustn’t let jokes linger inside the face.

Honestly it drives me nuts every time I’m trying to understand the significance of a YouTube embed in the middle of an article. I have to watch a whole ad just to see the title.

“Hey Spiderman, TURN OUT THE LIGHTS!” - David Letterman

“How is this?” said the Emperor to himself. “I can see no headline! This is indeed a terrible affair! Am I a simpleton, or am I unfit to be an Emperor? That would be the worst thing that could happen.”

Really excellent.