NBC Feasts its Eyes on Hannibal Series! Not Full From Fuller Pilots, Fourth Place Network Orders New Drama To Go.

The River is Not Washed Up! Reviewers Find Found Footage Series Really Rather Fascinating Where Other Redundant Films Fail. River Reviews Rate Series Reasonably Respectably, Ready for Future Raves.

Universal Finds Armstrong Movie Too Much of a Stretch! Hasbro Fetches Stretch Rights to Catch New Studio's Sights, Makes Filmgoers Wretch.

Knope Campaign Finds Hip Supporter! Voters Encouraged to Hop to the Polls as Adam Warrock Raps Up Election, Puts Bow on Pawnee Official's Growing Campaign.

Alcatraz Tourists Imprison Guides with Annoying Questions! Official Statement: Closed Off Areas Entirely For the Birds.

Hugo Set to Win Huge! Extremely Loud Also Incredibly Close to Award, But Will Need Help to Descend-ants to Oscar Glory.

@avclub-6677b21c2be1e1f008baa1fad33e58e1:disqus 's and @avclub-c404a5adbf90e09631678b13b05d9d7a:disqus 's put together

George Lucas? More like George Pukeas! Directing Star Through Warring With Fans, Declares Red Tails the Tail of his Big-Budget Career.

Shut up America you're stupid and you have bad taste in television!
This was off the record right?

Knope Campaign Endorsement Gets Pawneeans Fired Up! Though Ceremony Threatened to be Put On Ice, Local Legend Pistol Pete Arrived on the Quick Draw. Though Basketball Star May be Currently Laid Up His Performance was Still a Slam Dunk.

Prospects for Party Down Movie Looking Up! Get Ready to Invest Your Hopes and Dreams in Upcoming Investor-Approved Film. This Time Next Year, You Will Be Having Fun Yet.

Cross Not Cross About Chipmunk Debacle! Actor's Unproductive Experience with Producers Produced No Hard Feelings with Cast and Crew, as Chipmunk Star Fleshes Out Plans For Fleshlight Ownership.

Emma Stone? More Like Emma Rock! This Starlet's Hot Streak is White, but By No Means is it Little, as This Actress Hopes To Score Big with Cocaine-centered Flick.

Wiig Wigs Out, Leaves Sequel at the Altar! Producers Seek Marriage of Raunchy Humor and Feminine Wit to Keep Bridesmaids Sequel Afloat Without Its Maid-of-Honor.

Work It Just Does Not Work! New ABC Series Searches For Crossover Appeal With Cross Dressing, Leaves Critics Cross.

Vampire Slayer Remake Has Been Slain! At a Second Glance, Whit Anderson's Script Lacks Wit. Fandom has Fanned the Flames of Fire that's Burning Up Remake Happy Hollwyood.

FX Spies New Concept for Drama! HBO Red in the Face About Rival Cold War Drama, but So Far Audience Reaction is Far From Chilly. FX Hopes This Show Will KGB its Next Big Hit.

*nods in approval*

Hickory Dickory Dock! Local Mouse Fixes Town Clock! This Year, Junctionville Squeaks into Santa's Good Graces at Last Second Thanks to Small Miracle. Sometimes a Miracle Needs Not Just a Hand, but a Paw.

Syfy No Critical Neverland! Critics Refuse to Think of a Happy Thought About Latest Syfy Miniseries and Instead Make It Walk the Plank. This Tin Man Wannabe Has No Brain, Heart, or Courage.