Same reason I always order a shot with my beer. Can't get drunk on whiskey if you're buying beer. It's just math. 

Her affinity for butts is apt, considering how full of shit she is.

Captain Planet was part of the problem. It was always individuals who were evil, and individuals who had specific plans. It was never corporations, never governments, never us and our apathy.

That’s why I fucking hated Captain Planet. I always saw it as American imperial propaganda bullshit.

I also don’t consider Schefter an actual journalist for the purposes of this argument. If, say, Bob Ley had done this, that would have been a problem, because it was very much a daily part of Ley’s job to report on stories that could make the NFL uncomfortable. Schefty only exists to be the first to tell you that…

Seriously. It’s not like Schefter was leading the investigative desk at the Washington Post before shifting his focus to being the first person to Tweet NFL news. He’s not a journalist, he’s an RSS feed capable of making a phone call. His interest has been tied to keep NFL players, executives, and owners happy for as…

Dear Splinter, Jezebel, and Root writers and commenters:

Someone with no kids voluntarily joining a two-day road trip with a family that includes 1- and 4-year-olds is one of the craziest fucking things I’ve ever heard. After about hour eight, he’ll probably call ahead to a urologist in Florida and schedule a vasectomy before even returning home to Chicago.

Wow, he’s really lucky, because, while they take drug offenses super-seriously in New Hampshire, they recently repealed the death penalty. Not only that, but hanging was still on the books in NH as one of the possible means of execution, until earlier this year! So, he won’t have to worry about mobs of people…

Man, NY in the 1990s gave us the Wu, Black Moon, Mobb Deep, Nas, Biggie, Big L, Fat Joe, Big Pun, and Nore yet somehow supremely overrated Hov became the biggest star of all

Inadequate Man

His advice: Get a federal permit to kill one of the vultures, then hang it in a tree or other spot where other vultures can see it for miles around.

I usually use third party sites to find the flights I want and then go to the carriers site to book them.

In her defense, she was BORN here! She knows that counts. 

I always found Pulaski annoying.

I dunno, thinking about your mom’s hands usually helps me

I feel like that whole “No depictions of him ever or woe unto you” thing probably hurts Muhammad in the fame department vs. Jesus who, say what you will, knew how to brand.

That Salisbury steak comment hit too close to home. Hey, that family-size microwaveable tray was on sale at Marc’s!

The commercial in the comments is AMAZING

He's probably just economically anxious.  

no, fuck him, he deserves his fate. when my comment posts with my story you can read the whole account, but hes basically a fucking hoarder with a dog in the manger mentality and no respect for anyone. he hoarded the cars with no real intention of doing anything other than just having all the pieces. he would rather…