Do you mind picking me up on the way? I live in Texas and am kind of outnumbered =/

Tomorrow begins... The Tantrum

The bbq isn’t much better. I mean, mustard based? GTFO

I just want to say that I AM A ROUGE member...Because I have very little to show for myself. I’ll take any chance I get to brag!

I just want to say that I AM A ROUGE member...Because I have very little to show for myself. I’ll take any chance I…

This same thing happened to me before the days of video. My boyfriend “shared” me with his friends in a dorm room after I had passed out from drinking. I only had odd Rosemary’s baby type remembrances, and could very well have thought I had dreamt the whole thing until the next morning, when he actually bragged about…

Ugh. I am THIS CLOSE to buying that stupid Dyson Blow Dryer. Someone stop me. Please.

Ugh. I am THIS CLOSE to buying that stupid Dyson Blow Dryer. Someone stop me. Please.

Please tell me if you need art department help or an AD for this.

I read your first line as ‘I went to an all male bondage school’

Oh, good, I’ve always wanted to insert my penis into math.

Some hotels give out premade sex soap. Something about being eco-friendly, but we all know what it’s for.

SO laaaaaame. This is the best they got? When I was 13 I f*cked a cantaloupe. Best fruit sex I ever had. Cut a hole, put it in the microwave for 22 seconds (trust me) and had at it. Amazing. And the beta carotene is good for your schlang skin.

If you think I’m walking all the way to the health department to get condoms so I can fuck some soap..

That’s goin on the resume, right before the Pulitzer.

I always tried to be nice to the new kids in high school.

“What the fuck are you doing with that bar of soap?!?”

With a brand new bar of soap, the logo wears away after lathering a washcloth once or twice. You’re gonna get like 30 seconds of action before it turns into a ring toss.

MORE LIKE BOBBY HAND!!1!

So I went to an all male boarding high school, which is basically like an incubator for exciting masturbation hacks. I never tried it, but one that everyone was talking about for a while was to half fill a latex glove with lotion, warm it on top of a lamp, and then make sweet love to it. Sounds better than the soap…

I thought everyone did this. What exactly does the expression “get on one’s soapbox” mean, then?