Nope.

You’re fine as long as you don’t make eye contact with anyone while eating it.

1. Admit that you’ve never contemplated a world in which things didn’t end up perfectly for you and readjust accordingly.

It’s almost like he’s just a person and not imbued with the spirit of a random god.

I had my daughter read the draft of this post before it went up, as I usually have her do when she’s mentioned in my writing. She thinks the article’s fine but would like to add that she really did brush her teeth and try to sleep in those instances. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“there’s no evidence to support the perception he intended to create alarm.”

Yes yes yes to this part, too!

My husband wanted me to get a gun for when he worked nights. I asked where to shoot so I wouldn’t kill someone.

The attorney, Stewart Springer, told the Daily Home the sex tape took place in the back of a liquor store that Charlotte owns.

What if my cat IS a fancy asshole? So, so fancy. And such an asshole.

Bigot tears are low-fat, low-carb, and alcohol free, so you are good. However, call a doctor if you have an erection lasting longer than 4 hours.

Pinot noir, caviar.

It helps if you know you are going to be arrested. Then you can get a haircut, get your suit freshly pressed and choose the correct tie to wear.

I wonder if Demi will sue Mila in 20 years for “stealing” her pet jackass, Ashton. Only time will tell.

Oh, and also this:

Blessed Bee.

Awwwww this just makes me want to hug him...while naked.

True Fact: most Christians tune out after Deuteronomy. On account of all the reading. They’re really missing out. Once God gets sober and finds Jesus, it’s like a completely different book.

Jim Croce agrees.

So it's pronounced 'Frenc'?