Free up that right hand with this Masturbator’s Convenience Package:

Go to a childrens hospital and offer kids rides in a three-wheeled-AutoBot/Batmobile.

I have no idea what you’re talking about! It’s not like I just changed that in the story now and refuse to acknowledge that you caught it.

The consequences of getting backstabbed were dire, and were only exasperated by the original game’s lag issues.

SOURCES: Cuban beside himself.

The hole is oval because the surface they are mounted in is at an angle different than the gauge. That’s how geometry works.

Probably, if a multinational consumer goods firm tried to tell you that you could acquire beauty by rubbing a palm-sized wad of Bangladesh on your face, you would not be all, "Cool, I'll do that."

i hate you.

Wheres the honey badger?

An Indy Car will do 242mph at Indy. I believe they're burning ethanol made by corn.

Ok, so, I watched this entire ordeal go down on Twitter last night. I'm all for holding assholes accountable for shit, but you only included the one tweet where he said "a million apologies." You didn't include the probably hundreds of other tweets he sent throughout the entire night, apologizing to almost every…

Not even a little bit. Never felt like Schefter was any more biased in his news than most any reporter in any field. If this gets him the information he needs, kudos to him for doing it.

Well, that's why I said it might not be ideal if there are a bunch of fluids in your garbage.

Like a houseguest. Marvelous at first and full of possibilities, but if left unsupervised for too long, they can be a real pain.

I love the look of this and the process that it goes through, but it's not reclaimed wood if it was never claimed in the first place. If you have to do all of that work to a LOG, then its not reclaimed wood.

I ate a shoelace and it came out of my ass tied. I shit you knot.

file this to "Things You Can't Do If Your Supercar Has Flappy Paddles"

You're doing it wrong. If you start with a cold engine, you can knock back 3 beers while the old oil drains out.If you really master the art of the six-pack oil change, you'll get so hammered that you pour the last beer in the engine and drink the last quart of oil.

I get billowing material not from the circumference (which is what this seems to address) but from sitting/leaning. I like freedom of movement and do a quick bend in all directions (forward, left, back, right) to ensure that my shirt isn't "trapping" me. This leads to a billow of fabric around my waist, but feel…