As a fellow Brit and restaurant worker, the importance of prawn cocktail must be downplayed at all costs. A vile food that tastes like Satan himself created it, realised what terrible concoction he hath wrought and decided to feed it to his hellhounds. Only they also hated the taste and spat it out, leaving the…

It’s not a parental story, but for as long as I can remember my great-grandparents have said hello, examined me more thoroughly than star wars nerd examines a new trailer and claimed “ooooohhh, you’ve put on weight.” It got to the point that I had to be given a pep talk in the car before we walked through the door.
To…

The restaurant I work at sells pizza, larger pizzas, flatter pizzas, tiny human sized pizzas, pizzas with salad on so you can lie to yourself and maybe three variations on the same pasta. Pizza is in the name of the chain. Pizza takes up 3/4ths of the menu. You should know you are, in fact, likely to be ordering a…

I’m going to go with the mirror verse Hundred Acre Woods pizza deliverer. You shouldn’t have been delivering! Your parents should’ve looked up the laws! Why did you assume the guy was creepy before you even got there?!

Fawlty Towers often drives up my blood pressure, but I physically cannot sit and watch this episode without exploding into the Mt Vesuvius of rage. FUCK YOU OLD LADY.

I just started as a waiter and my new team is thoroughly disappointed I already suffered through retail and barista work. I no longer have that shiny attitude that they love to watch slowly disintegrate as customers act like twatwaffles repeatedly.