Worse than the “wait until your phone is out to talk” is the “wait until you are almost asleep to bring up major decisions” move. If I am in a bed with my eyes closed, it is not the time to discuss mortgages, career changes, children, etc. Are you an insane person?

I had hookworms as a kid. Tiny, white, wiggly worms that live in your butthole. I saw one sticking out of my poop one day and told my mom, who thought I was just being paranoid and told me to ignore it. Flash forward a few weeks later and it feels like my ass is full of broken glass. I go to take a dump, thinking it…

Those are not regular socks, they’re athletic socks. Unless you’re under 18, “dress socks” are regular socks.

The miracle of life is a beautiful thing. The act of giving birth is fucking disgusting.

Sure but tricking a teammate into confessing it while recording and then releasing it? It’s not like he happened to find out and told his fiance out of respect. Maybe it’s not morally wrong but you can’t expect people to want to be around you if you do that.

They’re both dicks here. Why did he post the video for literally everyone to see instead of just his fiancée?

I mean it’s their job. If my work environment was already in the toilet and I found out one coworker was secretly filming another? I’d find that rather off putting.

Bring a weaker joke on the best line of the post next time whydontcha. This is the Deadspin equivalent of “first” on yahoo.

Yeah, but he wears a fanny-pack in 2016, so..............................................?

I’m going to be totally honest. When I read this, all I could think was this dude was thinking way too much about what was happening in strangers vaginas. I mean, thanks for helping a fellow human out, but that is some pre-planning that I can not wrap my mind around.

Maybe one of those 6000 viewers already had an account (Hitomi) and logged in without telling Vinnie.

That she found a much older man isn’t the story here. It’s that the much older man happens to be Jon Lovitz. And that they teased out the big reveal over several meticulously crafted Instagram posts.

How dare she push for something that she was contractually entitled to, how dare she. I’m sure she probably was an asshole in other ways, but I’m on her side in not letting them slide on those ones.

So it is better than Rocky V.

The kids call him “G-d Shammg-d.”

Shirtless goober? Try Gaza stripper.

I hope this works. If the NFL can reduce kickoff returns by 5-10% then football will be a safe sport.

If Canadians get to jizz everywhere whenever they win in hockey, I’m going to revel in our basketball gold, thank you. I know that the talent difference is worse in basketball than hockey, but I don’t care. Just be thankful we don’t have football in the Olympics.

Sexually propositioning a woman and her mom at a stoplight?

I have a 5s and due for an upgrade. I’m leaning towards the Galaxy S7 due to the expandable memory (micro sd up to 200gb). Plus iTunes pisses me off. I’m not loyal to one brand and also love the charging pad that Samsung offers.