Hey, I’ve noticed that Deadspin’s advertisers are selling products that have nothing to do with sports. As an average white guy, I have a great need for things like hacky sacks, frisbees, golf balls. Shit like that. Please tell your advertisers to stick to sports related items.

Where my mind went when I read this:

After giving up a 10 spot, the only thing Braves fan will be chopping are their own fucking heads off.

Last season it really seemed like what set the Blues apart was their forecheck, but I don’t here anybody talk about it. Maybe it is overshadowed by Binnington’s play? What am I missing? Why doesn’t the forecheck get more attention?

I wonder if AP will need to hire lawyers to help him publicly defend this ‘scratch’.

Junior year gym class: I decided to try to dunk by jumping off a chair. Managed to do nothing but grab the rim long enough to get my body in a perfectly horizontal position. The first parts of my body to touch the ground were my left foot, right wrist, and forehead. Conveniently, my parents were on vacation in Hawaii…

I have SO MUCH RAGE that there will be less old-timey beard inspired letters from the front lines.

So what if he didn’t actually hear the news? Bloggers lose their shit for a while and then the Patriots go 13-3 despite the much dreaded “distraction”?

You must be the guy that was eating a Whopper while LeBron was dunking during warm ups.

“No they won’t.” - The Ground

My two sons and I play a game called ‘beat up’ which is played exactly how it sounds. Anyways, during the game I actually get to lay on my back in my own bed. The only drawback is taking little kids knees to my stomach every few seconds. But hey, at least I’m in my own bed.

Try counting the number of beaters and tube tops. It’s impossible!

Yep, and now you’re the guy with a google search history of a little league field.

This morning, it looked foggy out, so I went out and tried to catch it, but mist!

The only time I visited Oregon I was out on a trail and got hailed on, but was told by a local that it wasn’t hail, it was “snow pebbles”.

After I read your comment I texted my wife to tell her about “Brayden” and we’ve already agreed that will be our next dog’s name. So a lot sooner than you think.

Children are the true second class citizens in this country. No child deserves to ever be hit. I've heard people say that they understand why some people strike their children, but say there is no reason to ever hit a dog. WE LIVE IN A FUCKED UP COUNTRY!

Pull a giant redwood tree (or some other really tall tree native to New York) out of the ground and drop it on top of his head (he's only 112.5 feet tall). No projectile marshmallow would be created (unlike your bomb option, so clean up would be easier) and you'd be that much closer to being able to make campfire…

I don't think I could have enjoyed this article more.

I've been trying to make the same face as that guy. He is a freak of nature. You try to turn down the corner of your lips that far.