You hit the nail on the head here. Thanks for sharing this thoughtful response - it's everything I was trying to say!

Wow - I am sorry you had to go through that. Good on you for protecting yourself from the abuse. It can be hard for people in these situations to learn to put their self preservation before those who would hurt them, especially when those people are family.

Exactly - those are serious threats to make, which is what makes this so alarming.

Wow, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Sometimes victims of abuse often aren’t believed because the abuser is very manipulative and can seem normal to outsiders, and that could be the case here. A friend of mine experienced that when she went to couples therapy with her emotionally abusive husband... The…

It’s great that you were able to do it (seriously, that’s impressive), but that doesn’t mean we should downplay how difficult it is. Nowadays in state tuition plus living expenses can be around $30k/year, as it is in my home state. That’s still an insane amount of money, and it’s not an ivy or even a top public…

I agree - and I had a loving and respectful relationship with my mom during that time. However, without more info, you really shouldn’t assume that this isn’t a manipulative relationship. As I and others have pointed out, the Christmas presents thing is petty and spiteful, and I have seen that exact behavior in a…

Hi there! I’ve seen the how this can turn out in two different ways, and I’d like to give you some advise based on that.

This is a really important point. I know to the parents, the investment they’re making is a big deal, but you cannot hold that over your kid’s head. Your kid should communicate with you because of your loving/trusting relationship.

Gotcha. I can absolutely agree with that, while keeping the line open for discussing how that behavior can be damaging. As you can tell, I’m obviously more sensitive to the needs of the daughter in this situation, having watched my boyfriend go through a potentially similar experience. I appreciate your call for…

It’s not a pissed off statement. I’m not upset, merely trying to find some understanding between our views, and I believe we have some. I’m merely saying it’s a possibility, based on the threats, not that it’s definitely the case. Also, I’m so sorry you had to go through what you did.

The shifty things (financial threats, and the Christmas thing is just petty and spiteful) are characteristic patterns of manipulative relationships, which is why it has raised a red flag for some. That alone doesn’t let us know exactly what the situation is, but it’s enough to give us pause. That’s why we’re saying…

To me, that’s actually the point - that we don’t know what else is behind this relationship. For that reason, we can’t draw the conclusion that the daughter owes a relationship to her mother. All we do know is that the mom is significantly helping her financially - and that fact alone doesn’t entitle the mom to her…

Right back atcha. <3

I’m with you here. I had to watch my boyfriend go through the same thing with his emotionally and financially abusive mother. Sorry you had to experience that too - it’s so hurtful. I can’t believe the people suggesting the daughter should just reject the financial help if she doesn’t want the mom doing this.…

“The fact that the mom would rather turn to manipulative bullshit as a first resort does make me wonder if there are good reasons they’re not closer . . .”

People are reading this in different ways - yes, it’s good to be polite with your parents, and I too think a once a week call is fine. However, I’ve also seen the flip side of this, which is what Tracy is talking about. I’ve seen my boyfriend’s mother make ridiculous demands and financial threats while he went through…

Wow, this is especially poignant for me right now. Recently found out my long lost crush from an mmo passed away... I always thought there’d be a chance for us somewhere down the line. It’s easy to idealize someone you only know online - handsome, smart, and good natured. I’ve never met his equal, and I fear I never…