I know! There are so many to choose from, but "Diamonds from Sierra Leone" gives me goosebumps EVERY time. The way he articulates the ills of the diamond trade, the parallels between it and the drug trade in America, the conflict he feels about not wanting to contribute to the system but also instinctually feeling…

seriously, i mean, if its one black guy coming to beyoncé defense, there's literally half the white population acting like he shot someone.

See, that feminist was doing it wrong. Personally, I'm excited to have my own personal white man that I can corrupt with all my social justice warrior evil. Baby sleeper agent!

He was dressed in normal human clothes! Do you need to be wearing a tie to be treated with respect?!

Yep, unlike Trayvon Martin he had an actual criminal record and yet somehow Florida considered the unarmed kid he murdered the only "thug" in this situation. Gosh, I wonder why?

He lives in the armpit of America. As long as he limits his victims to women and black children he's never going to go to jail. We just have to hope he eventually gets cocky enough to do something to a white man (the one class of person that matters to Floridian juries) if we ever want him to see the inside of a…

I want a goddamn coffee latte in a goddamn monogrammed thermos right now!!!! And God help you if there's any red in there because I'm allergic to red!

I want to get on board with this series but it honestly just seems like an excuse to bag on strangers and really petty. Sororities have arbitrary and ridiculous rules regarding grooming and behavior? You don't say! It's a private club, if people want to pay to have their lives run that way who cares? Greek life is…

I'm a teacher in Philly.

Of course not, I shower like this:

Pizza guy.

Liposuction as a prize for a beauty contest? Literally, "You are the most beautiful person out of all the contestants and you're still not good enough."

If I was Bey I'd have a birthday anytime I felt like. Who would stop me? That's right. No one.

At which point he'll become Hispanic for sure.

You wanna say that to her face?

My favorite part is the misogynistic, patriarchal fucking assumption that Jay-Z has primary control over Beyoncé's music, image, or career. I mean, Jay-Z is a Penis-Swinging Man, goddamnit, and thus the undeniable Head of Household, so he MUST be the one to blame here for his wife's sluttery, right? It's simply too…

I just... Hm. I guess I would be interested to see the transcript of the conversation he had with himself that concluded with, "Why, yes! Yes, the world DOES want to know my opinions regarding the marriage of Beyoncé and Jay-Z!"

"Handle what?"

You know what to do, do not ungrey the trolls and the dismiss button is your friend.

"He is obviously mentally ill. Clearly we must redouble our efforts to discuss the state of mental health care in America. There must be redoubled discussions. We must discuss this. He needs help. We must help him. The poor man. The poor, poor dear. Nobody could have seen this coming. He was always such a nice, Chr…