I dunno... maybe she just shouldn't have swallowed that IUD in the first place.

But at least we have Dom.

Well there is at least one

OMG THAT PIC IS EVERYTHING

What about the mermens? This is mersandry.

I didn't!

Yeah, imagine being compared to the "perfect" princess who endures constant nastiness, endless concern trolling, extreme close-ups of crows feet and greying roots on the back of her head plastered across the front page of tabloids, and oddly derisive accusations that she "never speaks."

So I know I'm in the greys after commenting for like two years but seriously how do I start writing for Millihelen? I'm a beauty school graduate and former beauty retail employee who doesn't believe in the blind consumerism the industry relies on. Help me out of the greys!

"Spider tongue, spider tongue... Makes up for not being well hung..."

Thanks so much for commenting. Let's talk - my email is dries@jezebel.com (anonymity guaranteed).

Neologisms so good they're megacathartic.

Out of curiosity, if you can't date long-distance (which, having done so over 5000+ miles, I'm inclined to disagree), how can you be married long-distance? Or is marrying her a way to get her to move to where you are? Sorry if you answered this else where. I've had this thread open for a while and don't want to lose…

I had this experience from a server once.

"Logic" is a really fun word when you want to claim intellectual superiority in an argument where you are making scientific claims without any scientific training or research.

I believe you mean Darwon.

Bam! Darwin-ed!

No. Evopsych is bullshit. Which evolutionary biologists would be happy to tell you any day of the week. Bye, Felipe.

After teaching five years of cadaver-based human anatomy labs at university, I can honestly say that it is equally horrifying-sad-hilarious how poorly people understand reproductive anatomy.