Dildochugger is excellent, but next time I do a Worst Customers there’s one that’s even better.

That McDonalds story had me laughing- as a former late-night drive-thru stoner, yeah, that wasn’t weed they were smoking. You don’t get violent on weed- everything is just, you know, awesome. “This is the best Whopper I’ve ever had! Which is weird because we were at Taco Bell!”

Also, ‘dildochugger’ is my new favorite…

I’m going to have to find a way to incorporate dildochugger into my everyday vocabulary.

I see your shrimp hanging from the ceiling and I raise you...

When I was interviewing for my current job the union rep busted out a sheet telling me how much everyone in my department makes. Thus when they made their offer I didn’t even think about negotiating. I really think that kind of transparency should be possible in every work place, and it has really worked for me and my…

I wonder if Caitlyn’s personal aesthetic will be bombshell, or if that was the VF stylist’s idea. Personal style is something that evolves, it’s a lot to figure out on a public stage. (Take a moment and think about some of the outfits that you thought were great ideas when you were 13, 16, 20) Of course, that’s why…

I gotta say, up until Caitlyn’s transition started being a news story, I thought that the Kardashians were pointless, useless, and a huge waste of airtime. At this point, though, if even one trans kid has gained a lift, if the movement for trans rights has been pushed forward even a little bit, that's awesome. That…

At some point, I just started making a quiet keening noise while staring at my phone in horror. This has been both my best and worst lunch break ever.

Oh he’s definitely a subscriber:

He grinned at me, lifted his kilt and without even hesitating, flopped his sad, exposed wiener onto our stainless steel counter top.

I gave up french fries last week. Fuck you, CA. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Jesus, each of these stories should have ended with a scalding bowl of soup to the dick for the men involved.

This is dating myself but... when I was 10 years old my mother moved us from Philly to Westwood Ca. (a whole ‘nother story but it was actually a case of custodial interference.) Our neighbor in in the Melrose place looking complex was Barbara Barry. She played Gavin Mcleod’s wife on “The Mary Tyler Moore Show”. She…

That Kanye story. I’m literally crying with laughter.

“I’m not saying you have to do it or anything, but I am saying that people are going to be wondering why you don’t.”

When that Ramsey bastard is dead, I want there to be a Knife Drop, it’s like a Mic Drop but it’s with the knife covered with the interior of that sleezy motherf*cking sadist.

I have a fantasy of Brienne coming in later and cutting Ramsay’s fucking head off. Pleasepleaseplease!!!

Before I start reading the article, I would just like to give a shout out to Tara Jacoby because that illustration is FUCKING RAD.

Have you ever measured a tablespoon of milk? I’ve done it when baking, but it takes on an altogether different meaning when you’re measuring out a tablespoon allotment of milk for your coffee. And that meaning is something along the lines of, “This feels like disordered behavior.”

For the record, I never would’ve taken Jolie up on her offer to try this diet had I known the degree to which it would affect her. I’m truly sorry for what she went through, but I’m glad she was willing to share the experience—it’s painful to read but important. And I want to thank her for the unflinching honesty.