My kids are grown now - 23 and 21. We spanked, but we didn't do it in anger. We had a whole procedure around spanking. Our children were simply not allowed to speak to us disrespectfully and we didn't speak to them disrespectfully. That said, I would not classify my husband and myself as particularly good…

I really appreciated your honesty. If it makes you feel any better, I think kids in general are pretty much all selfish brats these days and most parents are just as flummoxed as you are about how to handle it. I'm very sorry for what you're going through. Have a happy Father's Day.