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I tried buying a car from Shady Jenkins before.

Last night up here in upstate NY we were subjected to a relatively rare occurrence, freezing rain for hours followed by a severe drop in temperature. Resulting in a thick sheet of ice. I take it you are not from the snow belt, or you’d know snow is described in many ways, powdery, wet, slushy, and yes icy. Rarely…

There are some things I don’t like, for example pro wrestling and the entire Marvel Universe. But I recognize that it’s a matter of taste, each his own I guess. Then there are things I actively dislike and feel compelled to say so. Family Guy falls in that category. I fucking hate it. Tired, tired, tired.

As opposed to your figuratively icy heart for sucking the joy out of the comment section by being an annoying pedant.

Judging by most people’s reactions, the first thing to do is to go on Twitter and say something to the affect “Holy Shit! Missiles are coming, this is crazzzzzzy!”

Rob had better not hog all of the dessert again tomorrow or it will be his ass getting fired too.

To be fair, $150K in Hawaii equals about $25K in Dayton.

Good lord, I in no way implied she did anything wrong. I was simply stating that where she had been wronged was in the fact that additional actors, very toxic ones at that, had been added to her living situation and that now she had no legal recourse to deal with it.

I tell my friends I have a girlfriend, but she lives in Hawaii. Guess I’d better come up with a missile story too.

I find rubbing a little bit of tuna fish on my balls attracts them. What did you use?

You tora page out of the history books for that one.

That’s the best humblebrag I’ve read in years.

I call drinking a fifth of vodka in the morning a “Saturday.”

I’d have to say it’s a tie between the top 784 times I’ve had sex, where each time I lasted two pumps and then ashamedly said, “Wow, I never came that fast before, you really had me turned on a LOT.”

Not wanting it to go to waste, I did a quarter ounce of cocaine, fucked my wife’s sister like I’ve always wanted to, called my boss and called him an old bald cocksucker, then burned my house down for fun.

Jesus. Haven’r they heard of the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf? Now if an 8 kiloton nuclear missle is heading towards them for real, people won’t even bother to hide under their desk like we were trained to do.

The biggest problem I’ve had as a landlord isn’t the tenants I’ve rented to, but the “add ons.” Friends, family, significant others. Thankfully never to the point criminal activity occurred, but certainly quality of life issues.

I hate to say it, and I don’t think it’s even close really, but from a media mogul/content creator model the Simmons, Peter King/Woj are, Dave Portnoy has passed them all.