"It's . . . food." I like that. "All our menu items are made with 100% . . . food."

I'm just picturing him coming to America, showing up in the nearest restaurant, weeping copiously as he eats basket after basket of bread. Finally, he's eaten enough to rupture his stomach, and he turns to the server who is trying to comfort him in his last moments and says, "I ate all the bread. I. Ate. All. The.…

When my two daughters were in elementary school, I took them to the local fast-food place to buy them an Arctic Rush. (It's like a Slurpee) My younger daughter ordered a blue raspberry Arctic Rush, and my older daughter ordered an orange one.

"Because we're delta airlines and life is a fucking nightmare"