It depends on how many Doritos you planning on eating, or more accurately when you think you can stop yourself. Cool Ranch comes out slightly ahead if you want a reasonable serving size, but if you’re in for a sustained munching Nacho Cheese has better lasting appeal.

“Because she is bedridden, the Peter Parker of Philly simply climbed back down the 15 stories...”

Also next week: Mets insist bat is fine and could be back any day, just has a couple of adjustments to make to be better than ever.

We’re calling that sweater-style today.

It’s right there in the article: “Because she was bedridden.”

You do it a disservice by calling it a sentence. It’s at least a sentence and a half, overdressed for the occasion with a few loose appendages slapped on for good measure.

Goalies do this all the time and I’ve never understood why. There are plenty of balls that they could at least make an attempt at (even if they probably wouldn’t get to 98% of them), but instead they just stop or even pull their hands back while in their dive. It’s almost as if they want it to look like there was…

Does it come with a free AAA membership for when your battery dies and your pork butt is still in the stall?

Does it come with a free AAA membership for when your battery dies and your pork butt is still in the stall?

There used to be a name for women who would give men the pleasure of their company for compensation.

A team in LA would have to compete with two men’s basketball teams, a women’s basketball team, two baseball teams, two football teams, two men’s soccer teams, and two hockey teams, not to mention two big time multisport college programs. I’ll forgive them for not trying to force their way onto that sports buffet…

It should have been an out, but could have been a triple or inside the park homer if Bregman had really run it out, so a double almost seems like a fair compromise.

Biting into a peanut shell—between the taste, texture, and dustiness—is not unlike biting into a old library book. Which is fine if you like that, but you don’t spit the library books back into your hands afterwards. I suppose it’s something everyone incapable of vicarious learning should do once, like touching a hot…

They’re not paying it any more than my bank is paying my property tax. They’ve set themselves up as a middleman through which customers pay their employees’ benefits.  

And precisely where on this map is Leroy Jenkins?

First of all, let’s consider whether or not we should consider this a ”domestic violence” incident versus straight up B&E, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, and a half dozen other better descriptors.

How fast was the pitch that destroyed Giancarlo Stanton's face?

I don’t think “I was trying to do something, and I performed all the necessary actions to achieve that goal, but I didn’t think I’d actually succeed” is a very tenable defense in any scenario. Nor should it be (“I’m not really much of an archer, your honor...” or “I was as surprised as you are that the jewelry case…

How often does calling someone pretending to be from their bank actually result in them giving you their account number? Pretty rarely, I’d imagine. As such, it hardly seems like serious attempt at fraud.

People who read Reader's Digest probably do.  

They also recommend putting a tube sock on the business end of the baseball bat so that if the intruder grabs it they get the sock but can’t take the bat. I’d suggest a generous coating of lube instead which will prevent the intruder from taking your weapon but also make him think you’re not afraid to go back to…