I’m so sorry. My dad passed away almost 4 years ago. He didn’t give two shits about Father’s Day but it hurts all the same. I “celebrated” by doing something he liked - eating something he liked, watching something he liked (or would’ve liked) etc.

During the evacuation process, festival goers spontaneously started singing “Die pure Lust am Leben”, a song that is basically about the “pure joy of living.” It goes something like this: “There is one thing, one thing no one can take away from me, and that’s the pure joy of living!”

What is this? Ugh. She should have either stood by her shit or not done it.

It’s 100% as orchestrated as the rest of her life. This she-droid hasn’t had an independent or original thought in the past decade plus.  

I get that celebrities have a hard time keeping secrets but this feels just as orchestrated as her public relationships. It’s like when someone keeps telling you they have a secret just so you’ll ask what it is

Tiffany Trump is like that girl who adds you on FB (even though she ignored you back in junior high) & has “School of Hard Knocks” under Education. The only thing stopping you from unfriending her is all the awesome drama on her wall.

For fuck’s sake, Gwyneth Paltrow would have more class and self-awareness in the White House.

A sheriff’s deputy would be a good guy with a gun, right?

I haven’t seen this many shoes about to drop since a shelf started to tip at Payless.

EVERYONE GETS LOCKED UP!!!!

Crooked Kushner sounds better.

LOCK HIM UP! LOCK HIM UP!

Lock him up.

My friends and I have adopted the term ‘saltmates’ because when we get together we all end up bitching about the same shit. So, like soulmates, except we all hate the same things.

I even have an appropriate jpeg.

I once had a friend say to my ex, “dude, why are you being such a salty bag of chips right now?” It was like 10 years ago and I still think it’s one of the greatest gentle burns I’ve ever heard.

Cigarettes, alcohol, and self-loathing.

As Mr. Rogers said- look for the helpers. This type of event is so horrifying, but knowing that there are people helping gives me hope.

You ever met someone and immediately disliked them? Your soul screams a little and you know that hell will be being stuck in an elevator with that person. Before this woman ever opened her mouth, I loathed her. Then she opened her mouth And between screaming, demeaning and manipulating kids, and in general acting…

That contract takes all the open out of an open relationship.