From the news article:

From the original article:

A little reminiscent of those big, cheap CD Rom bundles you used to be able to buy in shops. Always fun to see what weird shit they contained, and there’d be the occasional gem.

What’s the over/under on how many articles will be written on Torch’s new toy? 

Your name and the comment. Funny shit.

Yeah, if it’s prepaid, and this has been going on for nine years, they can narrow it down to their rich friends.

Not if it means coming to the shithole that is the U.S.

It’s very unclear. The Daily Star article says “apart from the constant irritation he knows that the takeaways are wasting money on all these unwanted pizzas and kebabs.

It’s got a VIN, and I’ll be adding the seatbelts.

Thank you guys so much for doing something as patently ridiculous as actually buying this thing, and sharing your experience with us. This is exactly the sort of silly escapist fun we all need right now. Keep em coming!

I imagine this is far from the weirdest thing his wife has caught him doing. 

Beef Substitute Ingredients: Whatever, salt, onion powder.

Clearly it came from GrubHub.

Of course, it’s company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article, “a dildo”, never ... your dildo.

This wasn’t mine but I’ve never forgotten it.

I got a burrito from Taco Bell with a fly embedded in the tortilla.

A few years ago, I got a bag of fresh mussels. In the bag, I found a shiny black rock, the exact shape and size of a mussel.

I had a bag of dried Cranberries that I had forgotten about, maybe for a month or so and tossed a handful into my mouth. They didn’t taste odd, but the texture was off. I looked in the bag and it was wriggling with Indian Meal Moth larvae and a couple of moths.

Fuck him. Charge the guy with damaging private property but then Smith with felony battery.