Oh, hey, maybe they’ll actually play guys like Shamarko Thomas and Stephon Tuitt and let them develop into serviceable player

Yeah, when Travis Henry jumps off a truck, the only outcome is that three people wind up pregnant.

Well, sure! Who doesn't want to see that jerk-off get knocked into next week on repeated occasions?

The more astute readers might remember this bit from last year:

I once had a girlfriend buy me Bengals gear because she thought they were my favorite team. That was her other boyfriend. And that's how I found out she was cheating. Fuck the Bengals.

My dad looked at me and said “Mike, this is why you have to try hard in school.”

I hope the woman he raped (and any other women he assaulted while at Baylor) sue the school/file Title IX complaints and get fines for the value of the football budget from the last 2 years.

Dee Ford runs away from the ball carrier.

“But I even told him, what makes you think those fans in the stands are wearing No.14 for you? Who says it’s not an old Josh Heupel jersey? I tell our guys all the time. It could be you—or it could be anyone else.

All my dyslexics live in Texas.

Because we are going to be recieving a shitload of kick-offs this year...

That’s totally false, Boston fans have always been intolerable. They never had gallows humor about it, they just whined about everything. Before they won Red Sox fans were still far more
irritating than Cubs fans. And this is coming from a Red Sox fan.

Saying he was sucker punched implies Smith didn’t throw any punches which I find hard to believe. Most likely he threw some but most of them landed 10 yards past Enemkpali or out of bounds.

Practice like you’re going to play, by taking a shit on the field.

I googled it and Josh Brown had NEVER had a game winning kick for the Rams.

In 1987 I saw U2 at Giants stadium on the tour for Joshua Tree. In the middle of “Pride in the name of love” he walks out to center stage in a spotlight, wraps himself in the Amnesty International flag, kneels down, and weeps uncontrollably “for political prisoners everywhere.” At 16, I was a little more gullible and…

This is the best thing ever written on this website. The end.

Don’t forget about his role in 48Hrs as well where his character was also named Luther.