“ The giraffe is due to give birth at any moment.” And we all know the disgusting acts that led to her being pregnant; we’re basically forcing young children to imagine sex acts between animals! 

They’re filled with compressed air, so if you end up driving into deep water, you have something to breathe.

I remember getting to the episode of Party Down - the adult movie awards episode - on a plane. Figured maybe I should skip that one

Exactly; when you’re going around a track, you can just go 2/3 of the way and cut back across the middle of the field

the innagural Heelie Marathon...although, trying to run uphill in shitty shoes sounds miserable enough

Damn; I edit video on a 4 year old Samsung laptop I got for about $800, so this is sort of tempting

Damn, dude. You just have to make it around the board 3 times, and you’ve broken even.

Wait, so I’m playing as Optimus Prime, and I get around the board to... buy myself, so whenever people land on me, they have to pay me...
Is this just a game about prostitution, then?

On the subject, I tried out a PS4 VR headset a while ago, and although you can take off your glasses and focus, I couldn’t for the life of me control the eyes separately. So my weaker eye was just SOL. Do other systems like the Occulus handle that better?

since the visor shouldn’t actually be touching your eyeballs, I’d assume head lice would be a bigger concern...

Hyena sounds are where it’s at, tho

Some of us live in the Midwest, though. I’ll definitely pay a little more to know I have coverage when I’m out of town.

I, too, wish they would replace Kinja Deals with detailed reports about random property auctions

With feet like that, you’ll be lucky to master a belt buckle.

Off-brand, but my go-to at Wendy’s is two cheap cheeseburgers and 4 piece spicy nuggets. Toss the nuggets onto the burgers and enjoy.

This makes me want to start a company called No Stiletto’s, who’s motto is “excessively high heels cut off circulation and are uncomfortable. Stilettos are a perfect example of style over substance.” Also, we make shampoo.

Counterpoint:

Exactly. They have to vent all the remaining chemicals before they land. That’s why you have to stay inside the terminal; if you were to breathe the air right next to the runway, you’d be dead instantly, and that would raise all kinds of suspicions. Explains why only lizard people are allowed to work in the airline…

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found I prefer, say, 4 smaller plates of food to one ludicrous one. It’s way easier to hit that ‘sweet spot’ of full but not in agony, and you don’t waste that potato salad that looked amazing but was awful.

I can only imagine spending an entire shift babysitting adults about how plates work, or standing at the end of a buffet line making people throw away individual kernels of corn just to meet the maximum weight limit