I don't think I will ever be able to try it — I'm usually not a wimp but the whole concept makes me oddly horrified. I had a million years in the US to get used to it, and never did. (I think the breakfastiness of it makes it even worse: I'm totally fine with the whole cake-for-breakfast thing in the US, but can't get…

YESSSS. I always want to reply, "I'm not being funny but fuck off?" (For some reason the thing about which the utter cretin is "not being funny" is always, always made to sound like a question. Fucking hell? It's so annoying? Argh?

I love a good novelty account, but my friend's two-month-old baby's Twitter account is, sadly, not good or novel. It makes me oddly uncomfortable, and I can't stand to think about it long enough to figure out why that is.

As someone who tweeted her hatred for other people's Marimba ringtone, I approve Harry Styles' message.

My friend's newborn kid has a Twitter, an Instagram, a Facebook, a Facebook *group*… I really liked my friend until his wife got pregnant, then I started to see a whole new side of him.

Yep, the look of them really puts me off almost as much as the name.

REALLY LONG-WINDED; SORRY:

It really wasn't the film I expected it to be. I watched it alone on a plane, purely because I'd already watched the films I wanted to see and my sister had told me she watched MM on her flight and accidentally paused it on a close of up someone's arse when she went to the loo — in my slightly drunken/drugged state,…

I love that one. It takes skill to agree with someone while still annoying them.

"Cheeky" nowadays is fucking awful in every possible way. People keep using it to mean… actually, I don't even know what they want it to mean. Instead of going for a drink, people go for a "cheeky drink" — I think it's supposed to suggest an air of naughtiness. I hate it with a passion.

All those get-out-clause phrases are annoying — a common one in my part of England when I was growing up was, "I'm not being funny, but…" with funny meaning weird-funny not haha-funny. I remember as a child wanting to smack adults for being so nonsensical. The other vile one was, "I'm just saying!" — apparently "just…

Oh, God, yes. The standalone "quite" means DEATH.

Yes. I like to use "that's okay" to mean "I'm not taking action now because I'm biding my time until my plot against you has been fully formulated." (Actually, though, quite often I never get to the "that's okay" point because I skip straight to "No, why on earth would you think I would bail you out?")

I had completely the same mini culture shock moving from London to LA. I thought everyone wanted to be my best friend at first, then I realised they were all just massively over polite. Such trickery.

Usually when northerners tell me how blunt they are, I give them a blunt southern reply!

And lots of England too!

I don't know, many Americans found my accent charming until it started going American, and I'm far from proper.

One thing I love about London (and I think it's the same in New York) is that here *both* happen regularly: sometimes we say "Oh, I'm sorry" to mean "fuck you" and sometimes we say "fuck you" to mean "fuck you".

All three of those are brilliant and I will henceforth say "God bless you" as often as possible.

Sorry for going off on a tangent, but… the merest mention of American "gravy" fills me with dread. To this day, I can't get past the *thought* of "biscuits and gravy", let alone looking at it or — shudder — trying it. To me, biscuits and gravy sounds like what I suppose an American might call "cookies and meat juice".