I could probably do with quitting alcohol and caffeine for a while, for my own sake, but seeing as I'm so broke I'm living at my parents' house aged 31 I can't see myself having a baby till I'm at least 40, really. Ugh.

Oh, God! That sounds hilarious/awful/brilliant to see. I love seeing women on their way to races, walking down the street in their finery among the tracksuit-and-trainer-wearing public, but I think I would take evilly gleeful delight in people just randomly thinking they'll fit in somewhere by wearing massive hats to…

Very true. When I lived in the US I found the USians, on the whole, to be quite restrained and not very sweary or anything, and I was constantly stunning them with my general vulgarity and decadence and bad language. (I am not a particularly vulgar, decadent person, either.)

Not entirely related, but I've suddenly remembered this and must tell someone: my favourite thing about being in posh hotels in the morning is when women arrive for a wedding later that day and they're wearing their most casual clothes and are totally un-made-up but apparently had no way to transport their GIANT HATS…

I gasped in horror and then ranted for 30 seconds about how it's awful and somehow mid rant I discovered that I actually love love love it and it's brilliant and I want it to be my name.

Thank you for reminding me what a good word it is; I should use it more often. (Sometimes it can mean "some noise", not even any sort of disagreement… that's quite old fashioned, but I like it.)

If someone said "row" to describe physical violence, I'd be impressed by their talent for understatement. It's just something noisy and blustery, usually.

I *buy* tons of stuff from Asos, and then return most of it — I much prefer it to going to a shop, actually.

YES. Relatedly, I find taking a picture of something that I would otherwise like to buy almost always results in me not caring about buying it anymore because I already "possess" it in photo form.

Definitely. There was no way I was doing a dance in front of an audience at my wedding, no matter who it was with, so I didn't. At some point the music just went from the eating-and-mingling playlist to the party playlist, at which point my drunk friends just jumped up and started dancing. No weird, awkward look-at-me…

Totally. My body's changed quite a bit recently in ways that aren't really bad or noticeable or medical… and I feel like it's very, very odd and I don't like it. I got used to my body being a certain way and now it's different. There's technically nothing "wrong" with my body at all but I don't feel like myself.

I'm doing an Open University degree right now and even though I'm studying via my handy laptop and not a boxy telly (and I don't have to do anything with some whiny, needy teacup human on my lap) that header picture makes me shudder. I'm struggling with my degree as it is, and that poor woman looks like she's got it…

Ugh. YES. I write, which almost no one wants to pay for, and I take pictures, which even less people want to pay for. It's ridiculous. People who are a) getting paid and b) paying other people for some reason decide that I am the one person in the process who doesn't need to get paid.

I just listened to Tom Hanks on the Nerdist podcast and I realised that all my life I'd sort of taken Tom Hanks for granted – he's always just sort of been there, being all likeable. I am very glad to know that HE IS BRILLIANT.

Yes yes yes. And a lot of them are essentially just reinforcing "don't wander off alone" and "don't talk to strangers" rules that are handy to teach little kids. I like the scary fairy tales that try to teach sensible life lessons (in a horrifically gruesome way, usually) but I hate all the "and then she was beautiful…

My question is, doesn't no blood flowing = no getting it up?! But then I remind myself: vampire magic.

I love that we are giving this serious thought. I'm so happy the Internet exists.

What happens if vampire hair is cut… does it grow back like if they were injured?

Me too! I'll check Paris on Monday.

I went to Germany when I was 8, so I fully confess to having no German tampon availability knowledge! I've had no problems in some other countries, but I might just've been lucky on the occasions I needed 'em. (London's totally applicator friendly, for sure. I tend to just grab the nearest/cheapest/smallest pack at…