See, I loved the remake because Geoffrey Rush spends the whole movie doing a pretty damn good Vincent Price impression. It’s sort of hypnotic.

I had a college freshman tell me the other day that he watched the debates and found himself agreeing with Carson the most. So now when he doesn’t have a strong opinion on something, he just looks up what Carson thinks and takes that as his position.

Joke’s on you: Denying a spouse sex is, in fact, a catechismal sin. Catholics just tend to be less honest about how absolutely fucking evil their religion is.

Back before the first Republican debate, I remember seeing a list of largely tongue-in-cheek suggestions for how to make the process not terrible. One I remember that I actually thought sounded like a good idea is that nobody going for a major party nomination can sign a book deal or book a speaking engagement for a…

Seriously, they were perfectly happy to support misogyny until it became personally inconvenient for them. Fuck them.

For me, it was that she then keeps the shoes on for the rest of the movie. She would literally be better off barefoot, but she keeps the shoes on. There’s the first hilarious moment of, “Oh, ha, she is totally wearing the wrong shoes for this,” and then there’s another hour in which I am cheering for her death because…

Just like every other Catholic: strongly, passionately sticking to your religious beliefs and legally enforcing them on others only when it’s convenient.

Oh, come on, it was a joke. As a semi-regular reader of the paper on the campus where I teach, I can assure you that every issue is a crapshoot of whether you’ll read something semi-decent or something so atrociously stupid that you can feel it draining intelligence from you. Hey, the word “sophomoric” exists for a…

I was totally translating “MBP” as “Mommy Blogger Problem,” and I was all, “Yeah, dammit, most people who are blogging should stop, and I hate those people who identify primarily as one.”

Maybe they formed their plan based on old episodes of Matlock, which don’t include things like, “Don’t plan murders on your own fucking cell phone.”

Gosh, maybe it was the combinaion of him funk-playing his way through a basketball game, or funk-walking into a bookstore run by an apparently magical elderly Asian man with a Mickey-Rooney-type thick accent. Or maybe it was in combination with seeing the company put out another character, who’s a giant, black, cop…

Heh. I totally just watched, on Amazon Prime, Dolly Dearest, a 1991 horror movie about an evil doll, Denise Crosby wishing she hadn’t left Star Trek: The Next Generation, and a possibly-drunk Rip torn wandering around with an indeterminate accent. I know Child’s Play is the go-to movie franchise for evil possessed…

I have an embarassing level of love for games from David Cage/Quantic Dream, as weird and goofy as they can be. I always forget just how weirdly racist they tend to be, as well. The giant mess that is Fahrenheit/Indigo Prophecy actually has a black major character who, when he walks, somehow manages to generate his…

I like that even the model looks embarassed that this exists.

I laughed my tits off over this lazyass Groot.

My high school had just about the dumbest fucking mascot ever. We were “The Rebels,” and was specifically Rebels from the American Revolution, tricorn hats and all. Even though we were in Colorado, which had exactly jack and shit to do with the Revolutionary War. The actual mascot at games was a guy in a chicken suit…

. . . look, I ain’t pretty and never have been, but that’s a HARD 25.

I am legit convinced that, even though I beat her in height and weight, she could totally kick my ass.

That’s fucking amazing and I love every second.

I don’t really know anything about her, but regardless, this is a pretty awesome “Come at me, bro” moment.