This was amazing and I had deep chuckles (DEEP CHUCKLES) through most of it. I lost it less than a minute in, with the scooter.

As an adolescent taking my confirmation classes, I was taught that Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses are not Christians; they are Christian cults.

I’ve worked my share of cash-in-hand jobs (shhhh, no records), with stacks of twenties passed out at the end of a day/shift. Even a few when I was a migrant worker.

I found a local fetish organization that holds monthly, very tame, parties. You can show up and do nothing but talk to other people, if you like. Dozens of fetishists who run the gamut from “baby furry” to “dominant for hire.” Telling strangers about it who just nodded and accepted it as normal was shockingly…

My mother’s brother is named Charles Johnson, and every time I see the name pop up, I get startled/defensive for fifteen seconds before I realize it’s that one, the truly shitty one.

Bristol is literally a professional whore: she’s made all of her money from lying flat on her back with her legs splayed open, dreaming about the fistfuls of cash people are willing to shove into her twat.

Oh, well, I’m sure she’s pro-choice, then, since it seems pretty hypocritical to demand that women be forced by law to give birth but refuse to legally mandate maternal leave so that they have the ability to care for their infants.

The mashed still had the skins on. I dunno, man, the chef was an insane drunk. Like, I would help drag out rubbish bags full of dripping fish bones before closing, and she would litearally be on the floor of the bar as I walked out.

At one of my kitchen jobs, the cooks would generally boil and mash the potatoes in the morning for the side. The mashed potatoes were one of the few dishes we had that had no fish in it, so it was relatively popular. When we ran out of the pre-smashed potatoes, one of the kitchen porters (like me) would use a cheese…

When I admitted to having very weird porn tastes on Jezebel (in the comment section of an article about it), I got treated like a piece of shit by the commenter JaniceWaffle, who made it clear that I was totally disgusting and emphasized that “nobody cares about your orgasm.”

Someday, someone is going to put two and two together and associate my erotic fanfiction with my professional name.

Interesting that it’s apparently been retained for their faculty and staff.

I died dozens of times in Pittsburgh.

She was attending a private, religious university of about 1700 people, outside a small town. I just went to their website and literally couldn’t find a damn bit of information about birth control at their “Wellness Center.”

I had the vague impression that she was xenophobic; is she particularly racist as part of that?

Man, Company is a great show.

Remember: If you have a miscarriage and choose to donate fetal tissue, you are brave and selfless. If you have an abortion and choose to do the same thing - regardless of your reasons - you are a filthy worthless murder-whore who deserves fewer rights, and Ron Paul will personally drag you into the street for your…

Fine, I just want some wings and beer in a place that won’t judge me for my disgusting eating habits!

I asked my, um, regular server at BBWs if they were any good, but he hadn’t tried them yet.