Whatever. It’s their wedding. If I were invited, I’d probably be pissed off, but I am also the kind of bitch everyone hates who purchases one thing off the registry and then one of these as a wedding present because I think it’s hilarious:

Some folks in Iceland still go with “dottir” as part of their children’s names. So if you have a son, his last name is Svenson, but if you have a daughter, hers is Svensdottir. It’s still problematic in that it’s a patronymic - being named after your father - but I still think it’s kind of badass.

I am shocked that someone too incompetent to graduate from art school is stupid as fuck.

I replayed the whole thing like five times because all I could think was, “Holy shit, Holling from Northern Exposure!”

I’m in the middle of moving and I actually just found my GRE results in a folder with some utility bills. I fucking owned that test. I would totally bomb the shit out of it if I took it today because I no longer remember any of the math, but there were apparently a few hours in my life where I was a golden god. 2270…

Ah, young, dumb love.

They are machines. Poison ivy, thistles, they don’t give a fuck. You just need to watch out because they shit the seeds of all the thorny, poisonous stuff they eat, so they can sometimes spread around the unwelcome plants you’re trying to get rid of.

My father’s a minister, and he always insists that any couple he marries goes through one session of pre-marital counseling with someone who’s not him. Gay, straight, whatever - he just wants the evidence that they’ve talked through their plans about finances and kids before they sign a legal contract.

I know this is weird, but I just re-watched Pet Sematary. Fred Gwynne (aka Herman Munster) is the best thing about that movie. No one else in it can act for shit, including miscast Tasha Yar. Still rockin’ it, Fred.

I’m my mother’s only biological child. I know she wanted me, I know she loves me. I know she planned to have me while legally free to abort me. I know she chose to not have other children because of how difficult my birth was.

Lila Rose is an absolute and total piece of shit. She is scum.

Honestly, I wouldn’t have heard of the show if it hadn’t been for that initial news tidbit, so I’m glad it was a thing.

Comedy is about discomfort. It’s the nature of humor. We laugh when we realize things are inappropriate or in the wrong place. Seriously, think of a joke - including puns - that aren’t about things being wrong. They all are.

Oh my god, do not even start.

I’m moving. It’s the worst. My mentall ill downstairs neighbor has spent multiple years screaming abuse at me through the floor and leaving abusive notes in the mailbox; my landlady is so lazy that the broiler in the oven hasn’t worked for two years. It rained in our kitchen for a while. It’s been a fucking awful…

Mm, this I can get behind. Cake bakers shouldn’t have to write specific messages they have ideological discomfort with; they shouldn’t be forced to write “Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler,” for example. (A thing that actually happened, in the case of that fucking crazy white supremacist couple who named their child “Adolf…

I spent four years at a religious university with such intense local slang for beer pong that I genuinely never heard the phrase “beer pong” until I started grad school in a different state at a secular state school.

I’ve been invited to two, neither of which worked out well.