This is confirmation that we are, now, Great Again.

Simmer down now, kid.

Nobody said drink the flourine, professor.

TIL: Donald Trump is a Deadspin commentator.

Ugh, I KNOW. They even gender-swapped the protagonists, how unoriginal.

Even if you accept the (obviously, stupidly, grandly wrong) conservative interpretation of the Second Amendment, there’s still no actual right to sell guns. So why not ban that?

Don’t forget Bortilda.

As someone who played football at a recreational level with his friends in the backyard, I can safely say that Bennett would not be able to block, catch passes, take hits and raise his fist in the air during the anthem if his shoulder was that injured.

In 50 years the following question is going to show up on whatever quiz show there is then and nobody is going to know the answer:

Hey now, let’s not judge entire races on individual sports accomplishments.

“...improv-based free-range comedy troupe.”

If only he had millions of dollars to fall back on

“Oh my god, the lesbos have gotten to Roger!” - Margaret Court

Isaiah Thomas is asking if you forgot about him?

By a certain standard, holding down a starting job for that long is, on its own, pretty damn successful. Ask any QB in the league if they’d settle for Eli’s career and I bet most would say yes.

“You can try movin on all you want. He’s gonna find yah. Back in 83', Olivia and I packed up Peyton and Coop, in the middle of the night, and hightailed it up to Minneapolis. 9 days later, we are awoken by a horrible shriek downstairs. I kid you not, we find Eli stuck, one arm and one leg through the doggie door,…

Reporter: Can you tell us how it feels to both start and finish with yourself?

Parkey: Feels? I guess a little lonely sometimes, but that is a kicker for you. These guys have groupies lined up around the block and can get into the hot clubs for free, but kickers... unless we are in a relationship we’re used to taking…

So Blount 70 in 108 games, less than .7 targets a game. Ajayi 65 in 31, over 2 targets a game. That means Ajayi has been targetted about 3 times as often as Blount is. Not quite getting your point.

More like “Gronkowski”. One of them is successful.

Jesus, imagine living a floor beneath that fucking apartment.