You know, I always thought Hooters was a bad gig. You literally could not pay me enough to participate in nonconsensual public BDSM with a Seahawks fan in a Heart Attack Grill.

I would say, “Please google the word ‘cuck’ on your phone right now. Is this what you really mean to say?” in your bitchiest tone.

Could you do me a favor and ask that person how Trump managed to drain the swamp, considering the fact that he literally parked so many lobbyists in his cabinet (Oil executive as Secretary of State, etc.)?

...is that truck parked IN the landscaping?

This is one of my biggest fears when planning conventions—that I will forget to ask what else is booked there. The Gaylord is huge and rarely only hosting one conference.

Oh jesus bicycling christ. Tell them to go back to florida.

Spit in every punch bowl you can find.

I live NEXT TO a “crisis pregnancy center” and I have no idea what my duty is. I can’t do nothing, right? Actual, on-the-ground harm right in my face and I am at a total loss.

Speaking of MAGA, I still don’t think anyone has actually articulated when America was great as implied within the MAGA context. Like, when did this great by-gone era that we’re supposed to return to actually take place? It seems like MAGA’s purpose was only to imply that America sucks now, but seriously, 45 is…

My office is on the same floor 2 doors down from the Dallas Republican Party—every day is a rage stroke. I feel for you.