You gotta understand two and a half things about the conservative mindset for this to make any sense at all.

1. “If it doesn’t sound right to me because I’ve never heard of it before, you’re making it up.” — Conservatives’ default assumption is that everyone outside of their personal bubble whom they know to be a…

You could knock “street” out of that and it’d still apply.

“I’m sorry I got caught.”

Hey Harv, know what would’ve been a more elegant and possibly less career destroying move than this horrible letter? Falling on your own sword and admitting to this before getting called out for it. You know, since you’re all woke and shit now, you’d figure you’d want to atone for past sins…

You know how referring to someone as “black” is fine, but referring to them as “a black” or collectively as “the blacks” is an immediate indicator that you don’t particularly think highly of that group of people?

Same idea.

I’m sure the dudes who are going to go after her now are going to be exactly the kind of fairytale romance she had in mind. Lord knows how many kind, well-adjusted men lacking micropenises and the required compensatory massive gun collection/truck will leap at this opportunity.

Let us know how that works out for you,…

Hey look, a Republican who played to his base while having zero actual conviction in anything he stood for. Let’s see if his constituents will be annoyed at the hypocrisy or find some way to blame this on Obama and/or the media, thereby standing by the ideals they hold so dear and proving to everyone that this isn’t…

Cool post history, Pepe.

As far as I’ve been able to tell, Old White People In The Midwest who don’t live in the cities seem to think of black people as orcs, basically (although none of them is gonna know what an “orc” is because in their worldview fantasy stuff is for the gays, of course). Big, dumb, and violent, so it’s great to have some…

I’m torn between kinda liking Tillerson because he quite obviously is trying to kill Trump with his mind every time he has to look at him, but he also looks, acts, and sounds like he time-travelled in from the Nixon administration and nobody told him.

Also Iowa. Des Moines folks were nice. The cornfield small towns where College Ball was the only thing to do, notsomuch. I overheard some pretty weird shit at a diner where they were discussing “the blacks on the team” as having naturally higher aggression levels and how it was unfair if you didn’t have as many as the…

Hey Mooch, when your nickname is “Human Cocaine”, some healthy journalistic skepticism is to be expected, bruh.

Also it’s “Chillax” and none of us believe you actually know how to do it, let alone spell it. Jussayin’.

Having bounced from the East Coast to the Midwest to Canada to the South, here’s some regionals I’ve discovered. Disclaimer, I’m white, so on the one hand some of it might be easier for me to see ‘cause their guard lowers, but on the other I’m not on the receiving end so YMMV.

MIDWEST: They’re super mega into college…

Mitch McConnell standing there with an ice pick in his pocket, ready to stab Thune in the back of the neck with it if he doesn’t toe the party line on this and risks any of that sweet, sweet gun lobby cash.

Seriously. Look at that creepy Evil Ninja Turtle Dipped In Acid And Wearing A Toupee looking motherfucker.

“Wait, Steve Bannon makes how much? And what’s he do, like, the news or some shit? I can do that!” - The Mooch, in between his pre and post firing celebratory cocaine piles.

If I’m reading this right, it’s sort of a Kojima/Konami situation? Popular producer of a thing said “Hey, I want to do this particular thing with my project*”, management said “Nah”, producer said “Doing it anyway!”, management says “you’re super fired, fan backlash be damned.”

*the wording is vague enough that I don’t…

Fuck. I’m a little over half his age. 66 seems cruel for someone who’s done so much to lubricate our passage through this life. I know he wasn’t young, but I wouldn’t have considered him old.

Rest well, sir. You did good.

Hopefully more like “Blind Until I’m Sure There’s Gonna Be A Sizable Divorce Settlement”.

I mean, Melania was willing to let the illiterate personification of a burst hemorrhoid in a toupee fuck her at least a few times. She did this based on the knowledge that she’s getting a reasonable payout when his smooth,…

I kinda hope he at least tried for the “I thought it was you!” angle before maybe finding a way to fake brain damage. You already fucked up, might as well swing for the fences.

I turned away some otherwise-very-nice Mormons a week ago by pointing out that David Bowie being dead, but Alex Jones maintaining ability to speak and/or be alive is irrefutable evidence that either God does not exist, or he does and hates us all.

I can fucking hear Wayne LaPierre achieving an extended orgasm from here, which is the first time since the Obama administration he’s been able to do this without the aid of his extensive snuff film collection.