I’ve never found him attractive... But now that I’ve seen him in makeup I would bang him like a screen door in a hurricane. Lip Sync Battle is doing the lord’s work.

Yep, we should definitely ban abortion. Cause EVERYONE should have babies.

Going to assume the former.

Hallelujah, praise God

This should be the top comment. I’m glad you’re in a family that thinks girls are just fine and dandy (becuase we are).

When we were kids, my sister and I baptized a litter of kittens.

This is pretty off topic but it always gives me pause when someone mentions baptism. I went to Catholic high school but am not and was not raised Catholic. One of my teachers had a son who refused to baptize his new baby so she performed a “lay baptism” on the baby. This infuriated me, even at 15, and I gave her hell…

I have no clue.

God, it must really be awful for those creators to have a bunch of people on the internet making assumptions about their intentions and criticizing them publicly. Good thing it’s only on twitter though, imagine if there was a whole app, just for that!

As I’d sell it, I totally would’ve climbed through mountains of trash (the thought that stink would reduce the resale value) to get it. I’d probably do it as long as I’d be saving money (depends on how much it cost for me getting to NY) no matter the price. Sigh, the labours of being cheap.

Never watch Say Yes to the Dress. You will be appalled by the “budgets” mentioned by brides. When they drop $9,000 on one of those tacky Pnina Tornai monstrosities, it's mind-boggling. At least an Oscar has a chance of becoming an heirloom.

And I don’t think a garbage dump in New Jersey would be garbage heaven. Maybe a garbage dump in Monaco? Or Tahiti?

That’s double the cost of my entire wedding, but we did it more like a party, because ceremonies are boring.

Tbh if I spent that much money on anything and found out it was trashed in error I’d do the same. That’s fucking used Civic money.

Practice

I have a cross stitch sign in my bathroom that says “Please don’t do coke in the bathroom.”

What about people who don’t let you get off a train before they try to get on?

To be clear, I called this last month and you all owe me $20 if it happens

I will put $20 on the live Mulan remake not actually starring a Chinese person.