I would pay to see a world leader do an “up high, down low, too slow” move on him.

Every time I see one of these ridiculously awkward photo ops, I have to cringe because this orangutan is representing our country and embarrassing the fuck out of each and every one of us...

This woman is the worst. And I can’t take the Manhattan girl fake-transatlantic accent. The one Ivanka Trump has.

Right?

Who is “fucked with” often enough to necessitate creating a catchphrase about it? Who repeats it often enough that a friend has it printed on cocktail napkins? Answer: an asshole.

I feel like all the surgeon general would have to do is laugh and laugh and laugh in Gwyneth’s face and she’s done.

But I’d want to kill them both.

Celebrity death match suggestion: GOOP vs Betheny F.

Nobody needs to bring their A-game to fuck with a woman who puts jade up her vagina. You don’t even have to bring your B-game to do that.

“Bring your A game....because I have a bunch of assistants, famous friends, millions of dollars, and a huge sense of entitlement.” — Gwynnie, a card carrying member of the born-to-famous-parents Lucky Sperm Club.

Yeah you can hate a woman for a valid or stupid reason and still be a feminist it’s ridiculous that she phrased it that way.

In my opinion he’s never had one. I don’t understand why people think he’s so attractive with that crazy weird nose and mouth.

People beef, it’s a fact of life, I find it more annoying when someone wants to make amends under the guise of feminism or they can’t stand having someone on earth not want to be their friend.

When was Kevin Bacon’s Last Fuckable Day?

Wait. There are people who don’t talk to their dogs and cats? Some of my best therapy sessions are with my German Shepherd.

What’s not to love?

Love the “what are you feeding him?” poke from the pope. Straight out of the Latino Grandpa Playbook. A nice way of saying, “I didn’t realize he was so fat.”

This is some savage papal shade right here. Like, “you are an abomination of a human being who is actively working against everything I have dedicated my life to bring into this world, but I am required to receive you because you inexplicably are a head of state”-level shade.

And exchange meaningful gifts:

Trump actually did a good job hiding his seething rage over the Vatican being much bigger and gaudier than Mar-a-Lago.