“Now don’t step too far in front of me, Victoria. This is mommy’s moment.”

If I had to be completely on board with every single person who paid me, I would be living under a bridge right now.

When you dance so awkwardly that even a still-shot conveys your complete lack of rhythm.

So Marc Jacobs look for Fall is “Every Guy Who Sold Me Drugs While Trying To Sex Me Up By Quoting From Siddhartha At A Small Liberal Arts College In The Pacific Northwest In The Late 80s”?
Good to know.

I was really hoping that her talent portion was this:

Yes I was going to say this. I don’t know anything about sebum production rates of different races- maybe that's a thing I never heard of! But I do know that if you wash your hair much less frequently, after you get through the gross initial phase, your hair is different and doesn't need to be washed as much. I have a…

Okay, but Marie Kondo doesn’t say “throw away your shovel if it doesn’t make you laugh with glee.” Things that are necessary for your daily functions should be kept and treasured and used. And things that make you happy should be kept and loved. The fifty tupperware lids without bowls and the purse you didn’t know you…

“I was skeptical, too. I hate new ideas, especially if they are popular. “

You have to sign up for a Pinterest account to click thru the picture to the description in pinterest where you’ll find a link to a tumblr page which links to a blog post which links to the recipe.

I’ve read that having pets is one of the wost things you can do as an environmentalist.

My cat wakes me up with the sounds of her profound existential anxiety.

wake up in the middle of the night from the cries of your cat?

I think we can all safely assume that Mariah Carey, for one, knows EXACTLY what she’s doing.

Small government, wooooo!

Same heeeere.

I'm pretty sure there are some writers who still worship at the altars of SCTV and Kids in the Hall, so maybe?

Type his name and “Mmm yeah” into YouTube, press play, and back off 5 feet or so and make sure there’s nothing throwable in your vicinity. Also, her name and “singing in the shower,” if you really want the joy of comparing the cultural influences on preteen girls/guys.

I have Lone Rangers - single hairs that grow thick and black like below my belly button (The Good), on my chin (The Bad) and on top of my big toes (The Ugly).

ALL OF THESE NAMES! who are these people! why am i so old! where did i put my glasses!